Sweet Release

Currently I'm in a state of unrest, worry, and anxiety. It takes A LOT of strength to come out of it. Along with this, a new CD was found. "Anti-Meridian" by Brave Saint Saturn. On this album is a song entitled "Inviticus" which in turn, blew my mind, heart, and soul. Before I dive into it, here are the lyrics.

I've been breaking my back... yeah,
only to show You, how very lost one can be,
And bitterness fires through me.

The brilliance that was is flickering cold,
slowly burning to ash.
I'm choking on pride,
I'm closing my eyes,
'till one day I'm scared to go back.

You part the shadows,
Light of the World.
Destroy the blindness
Peace Eternal.

Take this broken heart,
if it brings You praise,
Take this beaten soul,
shivering hands I will raise.

Hope Unstoppable,
Sing the morning sun,
Wake up oh sleeper,
the Daylight has come.

You are, You are, Invincible.
You are You are, Unbreakable.

I've been breaking my back,
only to show you how very lost One can be.

What happened was this. A plan was created months ago, but not finalized. Now it is up in the air, and I feel lost in the dark about the whole situation at the moment. What was planned is a kind of a big deal. I started to feel really angry towards the people I'm assuming are responsible for all this, and now I'm just really nervous for what the outcome will be. In the midst of all this worry and assumptions beginning to form, this song started playing in the background. Suddenly I just had this revelation. This bitterness is building up inside me and if this plan doesn't work out, I thought I'd just be so pissed and raise an uproar.

Then the chorus started, take this broken heart, if it brings you praise, take this beating soul, shivering hands I will raise. Just stop reading for a second and re-read that part... how amazing is that? My heart is just so broken, and lately it has begun to get more broken each and every day. But, man! Those words just leave me speechless!

Hope unstoppable! Do you grasp that oh dear reader?!?!?! UNSTOPPABLE! No matter what problems we face, you face, I face; hope seems like an easy out, but why do we have to make life so hard on ourselves! God knows the desires of our hearts, and he knows what's best for us. Yes, the life we go through is rough and ridiculous at times, but hoping that God will bring the light out of the darkness is unstoppable! He is unbreakable! Think of how fragile and breakable our tiny hearts are! When people around us crush them, God is still there to put us back together because no one or nothing can EVER break him! And this God I speak of loves us more than any of us can even fathom!

So what does this have to do with my situation? I feel like the worry, anxiety and bitterness has all been sucked up by this hope I have rediscovered. I feel like even if this relationship doesn't work out or the plan falls through for whatever reasons, then I need to take a step back, trust the Lord, and know that he knows what's best for us. I don't know if I've ever felt that way in this relationship I speak of. Really it's not us to me to decided what happens. It's not up to you or anyone else to decide how the plan fans out. It's up to Him to bring glory to his name through us and bring us together for his will instead of our own.

Currently.... I am in a state of hope, love, and trust. It's all I can do.