I can't do this all on my own, I'm no Superman!

The Lawyers

2010-02-17T21:51:00.000-08:00

The link before has changed. Instead of Jasonandmelissagettingmarried.... it is now mrandmrslawyer.blogspot.com! YAY!

Blogging for Two

2009-09-20T22:22:00.000-07:00

I created a separate blog for Jason and I. It's our... "Wedding Blog" and will probably turn into our life after marriage blog too, or maybe not, we'll see.

Jason and Melissa's Wedding Blog.

Here's a little taste of what's to come for our engagement photos put on by my Tobi poo. :) Thanks Tobi!!!

Sparkley Rings and Baby Bumps

2009-09-02T17:14:00.000-07:00

Two great, amazing, fantastic events have happened.

1. By the miracle and amazing plan of God... Kevin and Mitchi are having a baby!!!!!The baby really loves to eat! hehe

2. Jason asked me to be his wife. I couldn't be more happier. He's the greatest guy a girl like me could ask for.

He took me to Red Rock under the stars and pulled out a ring! It was precious!
We're planning for December 19. People say I'm crazy, but I'm a simple girl and he's a simple boy... therefor, our wedding will be a simple one too! BUT... it will be amazingly awesome all at once! :)
God has been great. I feel so speechless when I think about it. When I look at Jason, I feel God's love pouring out onto us. To think about the love that I feel for Jason,it's an even better love that God feels for us! Think about that! :)

The view of the mountains... from Mountain View! How fitting!

2009-08-21T22:36:00.001-07:00

Loads of events, problems, and blessings have been happening recently.

Mountain View Elementary School

I'll be a 4th grade teacher.
I'm starting with only 22 students! (A big difference between this and 29)
I have been greeted to this new school with open arms. So many people will just strike up a conversation about school or just life! I feel like I have truly hit the ground running at this school. The 4th grade team is great and one teacher in particular has really just been SUCH a big help to me. I've been very blessed.
Yesterday it took me an hour to get to school and today I went the same way and it only took 30 minutes...
The calmness I have felt this week about starting school and all the hurdles that I have run into before school has started has been mind blowing to me. I'm not usually THIS calm. It's a weird feeling. Jason says it's an answer to prayers. I suppose he's correct. :) But I'm still waiting for the freaking out part to catch up with me...
I'm in a nice room right now, but sadly I will have to leave it and move into a portable in a couple of weeks. Which sucks, yes, but it's life and it's NOT the worse thing that could happen to me!
I haven't signed my contract yet and that does in fact make me a wee bit nervous. I'm afraid the district will change their minds about letting me be hired! Let's hope and pray that gets taken care of fast!
Maybe the reason I'm so cool about all this new stuff is because I JUST finished a school year a week and a half ago! I didn't really rest my mind from school.

Other stuff

I cleaned out my closets and got ride of 3 bags of clothes and a bag of shoes. I sent it all to my mumsy's classroom and the girls there had a hay day. So that's good!
We went on a family vacation! With the WHOLE family! Including Stephanee and Jason. We went to California and it was lots of fun! Minus the me getting sick... but other than that it was just so much fun.
Oh yeah... my best friend Stephanee is now I guess we'll call it dating... my brother! But it's ok, it's just funny that now I'm sharing my best friend with my church AND my brother. haha I pray that He's working in her heart. :)
Tonight I really saw God's power and the way he uses miracles in people's lives. Seeing something happen that should be impossible is just mind blowing. It really shows that God is truly in control of us and what happens to us! I won't spill the beans on this silly blog... but it's AMAZING news!!! And I'm so happy for these two amazing people in my life! Maybe by the time people read this they'll know who I'm talking about. ^_^
I LOVE my family!

Monster Ballads

2009-06-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

These past couple months have been fun, exciting, boring, frustrating, amazing, and pretty much any adjective you can think of. Where to start? I suppose we'll go back to April 29. I have reached 23 years of age. I feel so old, yet so SO young, like I have so much I need to do and want to accomplish. This years birthday was 100 times better than last year. It was simple like I wanted it to be and fun.

Work wise, this year has been going by so fast. Sometimes I stand in front of the room wondering how it is that I am this 23 year old person standing in front of these 26 9-10 year olds, responsible for them. It can be scary at times! I'm finding that I am able to see the things that I am doing wrong in my class, and what I would like to change in the future with myself and teaching. I really am going to miss these kids.

We went on track break for pretty much the whole month of May. I feel like I actually did A LOT during this month! It's actually a little ridiculous now that I think of how much I did and all that happened. At the begining of my break I headed out to Tennessee to visit Hannah again. We traveled a lot more this time. We went to Elizabethtown, Kentucky because I really love the movie Elizabethtown the movie, it was quite exciting! Then we traveling to Knoxville, Tennessee where Hannah's family lives. It's so beautiful there. I loved it!

Tobi, Kyle and I also took a day road trip to California. We stopped by the best places ever which included: Ikea, Chic-Fil-A, and the beach of course. We then made our way over to the concert we went to see, The Decemberists were playing. After almost running out of gas, we made it. The concert was great and the trip home made the trip better than I would have ever expected.

Another special thing that happened in May was starting to date Jason. He moved here from Ohio in late January because he is in the Air Force. We started getting to know each other and at the beginning on May he asked me out. We hit it off real well and he's one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. We've been able to talk about real things and we even started praying together. It's been pretty great so far. The family likes him, people at church have said real good things about him. I'm excited to see what the future has to hold with this.

The last thing I have to say is well, the most important to me. I feel like I've gotten closer to God. Saying this kinda scares me, only because I know that I'm still this huge sinner who sucks at life. I guess the only difference is that I'm this huge sinner who sucks at life but I know that God has a hold on me. I know that he has a purpose for all the struggles I deal with and I feel like I'm more at peace with life in all it hecticness and frustrations. I prayed the other day that God would show me my sin, because I feel like I've been blind to them for a while. Sure enough, he did. Now, I know I'll never be perfect, but there's so much that I'd like to change about myself, and I just was reassured that it can only happen if GOD does the changing instead of me. I also was reading my bible and opened to 1 Corinthians where Paul writes about doing things out of love, and if you don't do them with love then basically... what's the point. I love feeling God's love and presence. I've been striving to hold onto this feeling, because I know how much it sucks when I'm in a rut.

Things I could use some prayer on:
1. A job. Job searching is a little stressful. Pray that I would be able to trust God, but also act instead of sit and wait till someone calls me.
2. Youth Group. I feel like we're planting seeds, pray that it would grow and that we could grow together as a group.
3. Self-Control. This includes time management and being productive. I've been having a hard time with this issue.

Work

2009-04-22T22:48:00.000-07:00

God calls us to work. He calls us to work and to glorify him in doing it. Sometimes I hate when people make a big deal about me doing "all the things that real teachers have to do" and not getting paid the same amount they do. The fact is... it's my job and has been since the beginning of the year for these kids! God has put me there and who else is going to "do the real teacher things" if I'M not going to?!?! I do all this work because it's my JOB. I do the work because it's what I signed up to do!! Yeah... I don't get paid enough for all I do, but that's not the point! It's really starting to annoy me. Maybe I just don't see the big deal in my situation like other people seem to.

I'm happy where I am, I love my kids, I love my job and I would NEVER change it for the world. Tonight, I've realized how lucky I am to have gone my whole life being so sure of what I wanted to do when I grew up and I'm actually DOING it! I have realized that my job is hard, but if it isn't hard then I'm probably not doing it as well as I should be. I have realized that I see my job as more of a ministry then just a duty. I have a chance to show these children Christ's love, and grace. I have a chance to make a difference in their lives.

So yes... I may complain at times. I may get frustrated for more of those times. I may get way in over my head. But it's all for the glory of God, and if I'm not working for His glory then what am I even doing? For all of you who read this, maybe you're a believer, maybe not... but no matter what your job is, do it well. We were all given the ability to work and to do it well... so stop complaining and just be thankful for what God has given you. I have found that when I remember why we work in the first place, it makes me want to get up and go to my job in the morning. Life can suck... but it doesn't have to.

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven.

2009-04-04T00:25:00.000-07:00

Lately, I haven't been able to sleep. It's bizarre for me, considering I usually like going to bed at like 10. For the past, I guess month, I haven't gone to bed before midnight. It's driving me crazy. Even right now, I am finally on spring break with nothing to think about and I still can't sleep. I've been thinking a lot about the things that happen to us in life. I thank God that nothing insanely traumatic has happened to me in my life, but I think about all the people I know who have recently been in the hospital. Mostly, these people are all in my family. I also think about the stories I hear from kids in my class, it sucks listening to what they go through.

The truth is, is I can't help but hold everyone else pain on my own shoulders. It makes me start to want to try and change the world! Then it makes me think of Ingrid's song which states: "I want to change the world... instead, I sleep" These past couple days I've started writing down all my frustrations of the day and the following them by the good and exciting things that happened that day. I thought it would help me sleep, which maybe it does help, but I like doing it because it makes me think of the good things. Even in the worst day, there's something good that happens.

So anyway, I was watching Grey's Anatomy the other day, and they do narrations at the end of the show. The following was from that show. I liked it because I feel like it's true, at least in my own life. I feel like the trauma that is mentioned doesn't have to be something drastic, I think it could be emotions, sorrow, spiritual weakness, sympathy, or just feeling lost. I feel like however I have gotten messed up so far in my life, it really is what keeps me going. The fact that God brought me out of that darkness and pushed me in life so that I see HIM in everything I do.

Doesn’t matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home. It changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But, maybe that’s the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going though that is what keeps us going forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up Before we can step up.

Then there's this passage out of Ecclesiastics 3 which has been a comfort to me for the past couple weeks.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

It makes me see that God lets us go through these emotions. He says it's ok to feel like crap, or be angry, or be sad. There's also a time to be happy, and a time to laugh and dance. And i like to believe that God laughs, cries, dances, and is sad with us when we are.

I guess this is all I have to say for now. :)

Why am I a teacher?

2009-03-09T21:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder why I'm a teacher. It's so hard and stressful and at times I wonder if being in it for the kids is enough. Well... I have discovered that yes, it is worth it. Here are some certain insistence of when it hits me...

1. I gave one of my kids The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas to read because he's really in to the Holocaust and WWII. I told him the ending was sad and to be prepared and I kept asking where he was at. Today, everyone was doing their math classwork, and he was done so he read. Then, he dropped his book down, sighed, and looked at me with this look... I can't really describe it. He said "I'm done" and I gave him the same look he gave me. I knew that I was a teacher at that moment because he felt the impact of the story like I did. It was just a really cool moment.

2. One of my struggling students scored a 100% on his long division test when everyone else sucked. It was FANTASTIC!

3. I raced my students in 50 meters last week and beat them all. Now they all say "NO!!! Miss Thomas is the fastest in the class!!!"

4. One of my students used Darth Vader as a reference to a vocabulary word... it was prosthetic. :)

5. My Mexican girl who came straight from Mexico, beat 10 kids in around the world. Which is racing to get the multiplication fact fastest. It was awesome.

6. One of my girls who hates reading, started reading Twilight and now she doesn't want to stop reading! :)

That's all that comes to mind as of right now, but it's enough to keep me going. :)

Oh Hard Times, Come Again No More

2009-03-05T23:02:00.002-08:00

Just got home from hanging out with... well, mostly boys. I was not going to go, but I ended up just doing it. Kyle cooked up some so called "Australian" food, I don't know what qualified it, but he based it all around his knowledge of The Outback. haha It was delicious nonetheless. We watched the movie Australia. It was not the type of movie I had imagined it to be, but it was great. The night was just happy, full of laughter, fellowship... and of course, Steven's comments ruining every intense moment of the movie.

I kind of just have a bunch of random thoughts floating through my head. What do I do about the kids who will NOT stop talking in class? Where will I be teaching next year? I'm so excited to play BINGO on Saturday with Stephanee! I haven't gotten to hang out with her for a pretty long time. I'm starting to realize that this recent break up was actually a pretty GREAT thing for me. I'm actually really happy it's over. I'm sorry the guy is kinda a lamewad who broke my heart, but happy nevertheless. I really want to get a tattoo and it's driving me crazy that I don't know exactly what I want.I wish I would be able to just STOP biting my stupid fingernails. I have to start teaching Sunday school again on Sunday and I really just want to be prepared this time around. I really need to write Sarah Bee back and send Pammy her letter in Mexico! I'm using this new "Genius" on my iTunes, I was listening to Eastmountainsouth, thus the title of my blog, and then the Genius found 25 songs like it. They're really helping my mood right now. It's very peaceful and I'm perfectly content right now. I'm really sad my Dobbers doesn't really cuddle with me at night anymore. :( Maybe he's in his kitty teenage years. I REALLY love LOST!

Other than all these crazy random happenstances. There are a few things that if you're reading this, I could use prayer for:

*Youth Group. It gets rough at times. Just pray that the kid's heart will be opened and the that us leaders can be motivated and used to the best of our abilities.

*The Future. I have absolutly NO idea where I will be teaching, or if I will for that matter, next year. Pray for peace and stillness in my heart and trust in God. Also that I will focus on things in the present instead of dwelling on the future.

*Work. Teaching is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I need strength to get through it gracefully. I also need to learn more patience.

*Forgiveness. It's a hard thing, but I need the grace and mercy from God so that I can show others as well.

I'm getting too sleepy.

Insert Title Here...

2009-02-07T22:04:00.000-08:00

Dobby is getting so big!!!

New Discoveries

2009-02-04T22:19:00.000-08:00

Brooke Fraser. She's from New Zealand and her music is just amazing. This is a video of her song Shadowfeet. Her melodies, lyrics, and singing just works together to make such a blissful song.

And these are lyrics to another song of hers called Hymn:

If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?

If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee

Timing is everything.

2009-01-29T22:19:00.000-08:00

I began to re-read some of my past blogs, and I started reading the one I wrote about love is dying to yourself. I wrote it back in June last year. Weird... that seems so long ago, but it really isn't. I came across this comment on that blog written by a guy I have never even met. It took me this long to find it, but it's all in God's timing which is probably why it hit me so much when I read it.

John West said...: Well, Melissa, I only have a few things to say. I am A director of a 1/2 way house in Lubbock Texas called The Remnant. I was searching the internet for some good study ideas about dying to yourself and here I am. I am not a stranger to the feeling of confusion and unsurity in life. But, I am also not a stranger to the power of God to give me the understanding I need to be exactly where I need to be and do exactly what God has for me. I have a saying I tell people when they are struggling with their present, You can look at your past, just don't stare at it. I believe that God is telling me that you struggle with past mistakes, and that your problem isn't finding your place in the present, but removing yourself from your past. If we are truly pressing forward to the goal to win the prize through Christ Jesus, it assumes that we have made every effort to cut the chains that have held us in bondage to the very things that take from us the peace Jesus says we can have that we can't even understand, the joy of his salvation, and the unfathomable love that is given no matter your faults, mistakes, victories, triumphs, or failures. There are two things that hold back a human being more than anything else. Insecurity and fear. You must ask yourself today what you are afraid of. Why are you so insecure that faith seems always to be a belief but hardly ever an action.

WE ENSLAVE OURSELVES THROUGH FEAR, JESUS SAVES US FROM OURSELVES THROUGH LOVE.

I challenge you today to seek the depths of how your Lord loves you and how that love burns away all fear and all question, all confusion, and all doubt.

Quit swimming in the sea of forgetfullness and walk on water. Love you in Jesus.

It Just Takes Some Time

2009-01-24T19:51:00.001-08:00

I was bored on Sunday afternoon, so I decided to rearrange my room. :) If you've never seen my room before this is pretty much useless to you, but could be somewhat fun all at once?

Sometimes, life just sucks

2009-01-12T22:33:00.000-08:00

That was all I was going to say... but now I'm going to list 5 good things.

And these lyrics by good of OC Supertones:

I know I haven't had the best of days.
But I'm going to stop and thank you anyway.
I don't always thank you for the rough days
and hard times in my life. Even though I should.

1. My group in my master's class always makes me laugh and I can count on them to lift my spirits.

2. I rearranged my room and it was a great change. I love sitting in my room now.

3. More than 3/4 of my class passed a level on their Math Facts test after I taught them division!! (It's a 5 minute test with 60 problems)

4. There was a full moon above and a crisp clear night over the city the other night. It was beautiful.

5. Josh Ritter makes my heart melt. Not just the words but the music behind it all! It's just amazing!

Sweet Release

2008-12-19T22:04:00.000-08:00

Currently I'm in a state of unrest, worry, and anxiety. It takes A LOT of strength to come out of it. Along with this, a new CD was found. "Anti-Meridian" by Brave Saint Saturn. On this album is a song entitled "Inviticus" which in turn, blew my mind, heart, and soul. Before I dive into it, here are the lyrics.

I've been breaking my back... yeah,
only to show You, how very lost one can be,
And bitterness fires through me.

The brilliance that was is flickering cold,
slowly burning to ash.
I'm choking on pride,
I'm closing my eyes,
'till one day I'm scared to go back.

You part the shadows,
Light of the World.
Destroy the blindness
Peace Eternal.

Take this broken heart,
if it brings You praise,
Take this beaten soul,
shivering hands I will raise.

Hope Unstoppable,
Sing the morning sun,
Wake up oh sleeper,
the Daylight has come.

You are, You are, Invincible.
You are You are, Unbreakable.

I've been breaking my back,
only to show you how very lost One can be.

What happened was this. A plan was created months ago, but not finalized. Now it is up in the air, and I feel lost in the dark about the whole situation at the moment. What was planned is a kind of a big deal. I started to feel really angry towards the people I'm assuming are responsible for all this, and now I'm just really nervous for what the outcome will be. In the midst of all this worry and assumptions beginning to form, this song started playing in the background. Suddenly I just had this revelation. This bitterness is building up inside me and if this plan doesn't work out, I thought I'd just be so pissed and raise an uproar.

Then the chorus started, take this broken heart, if it brings you praise, take this beating soul, shivering hands I will raise. Just stop reading for a second and re-read that part... how amazing is that? My heart is just so broken, and lately it has begun to get more broken each and every day. But, man! Those words just leave me speechless!

Hope unstoppable! Do you grasp that oh dear reader?!?!?! UNSTOPPABLE! No matter what problems we face, you face, I face; hope seems like an easy out, but why do we have to make life so hard on ourselves! God knows the desires of our hearts, and he knows what's best for us. Yes, the life we go through is rough and ridiculous at times, but hoping that God will bring the light out of the darkness is unstoppable! He is unbreakable! Think of how fragile and breakable our tiny hearts are! When people around us crush them, God is still there to put us back together because no one or nothing can EVER break him! And this God I speak of loves us more than any of us can even fathom!

So what does this have to do with my situation? I feel like the worry, anxiety and bitterness has all been sucked up by this hope I have rediscovered. I feel like even if this relationship doesn't work out or the plan falls through for whatever reasons, then I need to take a step back, trust the Lord, and know that he knows what's best for us. I don't know if I've ever felt that way in this relationship I speak of. Really it's not us to me to decided what happens. It's not up to you or anyone else to decide how the plan fans out. It's up to Him to bring glory to his name through us and bring us together for his will instead of our own.

Currently.... I am in a state of hope, love, and trust. It's all I can do.

It's About Time For Another

2008-11-24T01:43:00.001-08:00

Earlier tonight I was asked three simple questions by a person who is dear to my heart.

1. How often do you pray?

2. How often do you spend time with a devotion or with reading the bible?

3. How many people have you show unconditional love to recently?

Simple? Yeah, not so much. Words like that can penetrate straight to the heart. They certainly made me think. How often do I pray? Well, the answer to that would be only when I feel like I need something from God. How often do I spend time with a devotion or with reading the bible? I would have to say, twice; once when I'm in Thursday night bible study, and once when I'm in church on Sunday. How many people have I showed unconditional love to recently..... This question blew me out of the water and made me see how far gone I have been for so long. How is it that I have been living everyday life failing to just love people?! The answer, I haven't been loving God. That's the root of all my problems. If I can't find the love to love the maker of all things, how on earth and I going to attempt to love people around me?

I think I’m beginning to understand what love actually is. I finally see what is means to say that love is patient, love is kind, love is not bitter, love hopes all things, love endures all things, love never fails. I get that when you love each other, God’s love and light shines through that, and without depending on Him there’s no way I would ever be able to show love.

So now that my eyes have been opened, what now? With lack of another way to put this I'll just steal Matt Theissen's amazing words:

"When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you"

The answer to all my problems? Run to God, fall into his loving arms, and embrace his grace and mercy. I have heard those words many times. It takes seeing what you've lost, to seeing where you're at... to get you where you need to go.

2008-08-19T09:38:00.000-07:00

Too often do I go through my life of going through the motions and going full speed through each day. I remember the days where I really just stopped to take a look around me and take advantage of the small things in life that are amazing. These past 5 days where just that. Time to just relax, enjoy the people around me, be in a new place, and be thankful for the small things in life. It felt good to get excited over the little things in life again. And not only that, but to have someone there by your side to be excited with you and not think you’re a big fat dork because you’re excited about seeing the huge fields of corn for the first time.

Lincoln, Nebraska isn’t most people’s idea of fun apparently. They say to me “What’s in Nebraska that’s worth going for?” or “What a boring place to even think about going” I would have to disagree. I strongly believe that people make all the difference in this life. You could live in the coolest place in the world and it could not be worth it if you don’t have the community, fellowship, and love of the people around you. I was able to meet some really remarkable people in this misjudged area of the United States. Bryson introduced me to a BUNCH of new people. After the overwhelming feelings wore off I was able to have an excellent time. His family was... how do I explain them, they’re so fun to be around. Their conversations are so bizarre and off the wall and it made me so happy! I truly felt like I actually belonged there. Mostly because they reminded me of my very own family. It was comforting. Then on to his friends. They’re just phenomenal! Mostly two of his best friends Michael and Doug. They had no problem treating me like they’ve known me forever and they’re HIL-arious! By day 4, Bryson had started referring to his friends as “our friends”. Maybe because I fit in so well with them, or at least, that’s what I thought.

They all had big impacts on me even though I was only in town for 5 days. But even other random people had such an impact in some way. Michael’s mom was so great! (We hung out there a lot). She baby-sits during the day and once while we were there she had a little 4 year old boy there. I apparently sat in his spot on the couch while they were watching a movie, so he didn’t like me at first. But after about 10 minutes he decided I was okay and asked to sit with me. It was so sweet. :) Then there was Bryson’s theater director who he’s told everything about us to. She was so excited to finally meet me and was SO happy! When I hugged her good-bye she whispered something in my ear that was so encouraging and really just helped me realized that we could actually get through this. It was an incredible moment. It’s the little things that people say or do that just get you through the day. I don’t know if people step back to realize the small parts people might play in their lives but the big impact they make as well.

The people were great, but I must say that I had a lot of firsts on this trip that made me love that place. Corn.... I made him run through the corn fields outside his house with me. He lives in the country, and has TONS of land. He has a corn field that his neighbors actually farm. The running in the corn lasted only about 10 strides because I wasn’t a fan of being slapped in the face by the stocks. The sunsets were pink! Full of bright pink fading into oranges and reds, it was the most breathtaking sunsets I’ve seen. And then seeing the sun turn blood red as it falls beyond the horizon! One night we were playing frisbee in the backyard with his friends and all of the sudden... I saw flickers of lights in the distances, I FINALLY got to see fireflies!!!!! It was magical!! I basically bounced around with excitement like a little 5 year old, but who cares!!! Bryson’s family also has 2 horses, who was beautiful!! I’ve always been so scared of those animals, but I actually got up on one of them! Of course, his sister was leading me around on a horse leash, and I was only going in circles, but it was still a moment I don’t think I’ll forget. And don’t forget about this full moon, which was bright orange and lit up the land in all it’s darkness.

Then there’s Bryson himself. It really is just too overwhelming to talk about it all. He’s just a magnificent guy. Not many people have the ability to calm me down when I get crazy and not many people have this way to make me get out my feelings in a way that makes sense to them. And being able to share my spiritual life with him is so amazing to me. It really is just too much to talk about. And people might get made for keeping that part to myself, but it’s a part of my life that I’d like to keep for myself at times. Not because I’m ashamed or I’m trying to hide something, it’s just something I like to keep for myself. If that makes any sense.

Above all I’m beginning to see how much I need to trust God and lean on him through all of this. If it were up to me I would pick up and follow Bryson to the ends of the earth right now. But I see that it’s not that time right now, and timing is everything! And it sucks beyond all belief leaving Bryson, his home, his family, his friends and coming back home, but that’s life for you and I just have to take it one step at a time. But I HAVE to trust that God’s plans are so much better than anything I could ever come up with. One of my lady friends from church told me to take God with me on this trip and that He would be there to get me through meeting the family and friends and to take my nervousness away. It was a very impactful statement that I really took to heart.

The End.

2008-08-08T13:34:00.001-07:00

All hail the last day of school. What a trip this year has been. I don't even know where to begin. I've been stretched, beaten, pulled, pushed, and throw into anything and everything for the past 7 1/2 months. Starting with Student Teaching in 5th grade math in January to 3rd grade for a couple weeks and 4th grade for a few days in the middle to the end of the year where I was in 2nd grade in August. Right now I feel indescribable. Like this huge load has been taken off of me. At least for 2 weeks.

I'm sure I've talked about my story, but here it goes again. I still remember the day I entered the doors of Judith Steele Elementary full of anxiety and... well that's pretty much the only feeling I had that morning. When I learned I was in 5th grade but I would only be teaching math I remember wondering if that would help or hinder my experience. But I decided to stick with it. Turns out it was the best thing that could happen to me. My student teaching experience felt like it was unique and perhaps even more difficult than maybe some other people might have gone through. Besides the fact that I was full time after about a month and in the classroom by myself most of the time, there was so much that happened during those months.

It happened on my birthday, April 29th. We told the students that our writing teacher had been in a car wreck 2 weeks before and was in bad shape, was still in the hospital, and was not coming back this year. This was also the first I had heard of it. 175 crying students is too much to handle, especially when you have to hold it together for the sake of the kids. But through this horrible incident came... me. I had been asked to take over his class for the rest of the year... until July 17th. We decided to tell the kids on my last day of student teaching, somehow we kept it a secret for about a week and a half. We told them in the morning after announcements. It's a moment I won't ever forget. They all crowded around and our math teacher as she told them we had found their new teacher, and I was standing there with kids crawling all over me waiting to hear who it would be... there was a dramatic pause.... and then she said "Misssss Thomasssss!" And there was a flood of screams and kids rushing to me.

So here I am, in a classroom that was someone else's but would become mine for the next 2 months. I decided to make it my own and kill myself over making it pretty and decorated. Nervous that the kids would hate me for changing his room I was surprised at how excited they were over all the colors and Star Wars figures on my desk and Kung Fu Panda poster hanging over my desk. It was nice. These 175 kids are a bunch that I will never forget. There are a few that I would LOVE to see in the future and many that I would be ok just wondering about once and a while. I never thought I would have gotten that close to a group of 10 and 11 year olds. But it was SUCH a great experience to go through. I was in charge of decorations for the 5th grade dance and they turned out amazing! I appreciated how the teachers treated me like a teacher as did the rest of the staff. It was really hard to say good-bye to the kids.

Then I was off to long-term sub for 2nd grade for the last 2 weeks of school. I'll blame it on the fact that it was the end of the year... but it was absolute hell. Little 2nd graders can be cute, but really? They were CRAZY! I was never happy to get up and go to this class every day. Which makes me sad, maybe I didn't try hard enough. Or maybe I just do not have the personality for smaller kids. But the end is here and I can honestly say I do not miss those 2nd graders.

So what's next for this fresh outta college girl? Well, I'm staying here at Steele and I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing. I'll be their "in house sub" and fill in when needed. I don't really know the details AT ALL, but I was looking at the teacher's boxes in the teacher's lounge and I saw one with "Thomas" on it!!! And assuming they haven't hired a new teacher with that last name, I'm assuming it's ME! I feel good about this arrangement. I think this past 7 months was crazy and it'll be good to kinda ease myself into teaching. And I've been thinking about teaching 6th grade math! So we'll see what happens. :)

Dobby Mobby Obby

2008-08-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

Pronounced Dob-bee (Like Bobby with a D) not Dooooo-bee.

The little Dobby trying to sleep!
Then interrupted by the Goat... so of course he has to attack back.
And of course the Dobby wins. At least when he's in my room, he's very territorial.

awww He's so cute! And he's getting very big! Mostly I just cannot wait until we get the little booger declawed! Then I'll love him even more!

And today is the glorious day I've been waiting for.... my LAST day at Origins!!! Thank the Lord! :)

Tried to run but I keep on coming back

2008-07-31T11:59:00.000-07:00

I decided to re-read my whole blog today. It was pretty deep for a blog! I don't know why I haven't been writing on here much anymore. Maybe because I don't even know how I'm feeling myself. Well, actually I kind of do... but where to start?

I was reading all my feelings on Morocco and it was strange to me. The girl who interviewed me is my friend on Facebook and she had some pictures of the new team she's training to go over there. I was looking at the people wondering if I would have gotten along with them and who would have been the closest to me. But I had to stop myself from thinking about that because it's just not healthy. I mean, I'm happy I'm staying here. I'm involved with the youth group again and I just feel like I can do great things here this year to glorify God. I think about how let down I was when I found out I wasn't going. Feeling so sure of myself and sure of the fact that I thought this was what God wanted for me and then it turned out to not be. Really it made me scared to trust him for the fear of feeling like that again. The only example I can think of there is my relationship with Bryson. I'm scared to feel like this is what God wants, because if it's not that's going to totally suck. But what I came to a conclusion on is that if it is what God wants if going to be GREAT! And if it's not and he has something better out there for me then whatever else is out there must be even greater! So either way I guess I'll be happy in the end right?

When I was in 1st grade my 3 best friends moved away in the time frame of 3 months. Sometimes I wonder if that's why I'm so drawn to friends who don't live where I am; because I've been so use to having my friends far away. Because really, so many of my closest friends don't live here so who do I call to just hang out?! And then there's Hannah who's been the best friend I could ever ask for and she's leaving too. I think this year I haven't really branched out as much as I could. Maybe it's the new job and just not wanting to do anything after work. I just don't like hanging out with people in large groups. I would much rather sit around with one or two friends then attempt to make conversation with people I see only once and I while. And yes, it's my own fault for not trying hard enough but I'm really just not into it anymore. And maybe that makes me a horrible person... but whatever, there it is.

At camp this year we took the personality test like normal and apparently my personality has changed. I do feel like I've changed. In some parts of my life for the worse, but in some for the best. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I don't even recognize myself anymore. I think it all boils down to the fact that I just really don't want to start life outside of going to school. It's finally hitting me that I graduated and don't have that part of my life anymore.... and now I have to grow up. Bryson has a way of helping me sort out my thoughts. It's kinda crazy actually. But right now I just feel like there are too many thoughts going through my head, and I just can't find contentment.

Feminists cry foul over Fat Princess

2008-07-29T10:51:00.000-07:00

I found this incredibly amussing!

She's plump, powerful and ready to cause more controversy than "SuperSize Me."
She's Fat Princess, the star of Sony's upcoming video game of the same name. Debuting at last week's E3 expo, the colorful Fat Princess is a capture-the-flag game with a twist: you can thwart capture attempts by locking the once-thin princess in a dungeon and stuffing her full of cake, thereby increasing her girth and making her harder for your enemies to haul back to home base.
According to popular gaming blog Joystiq, two feminist gaming sites have already voiced their displeasure with the weighty issue.

Feminist Gamer's "Mighty Ponygirl" rings in diplomatically, suggesting a new way to play the game altogether.
"Instead of running out into the forest to find cake to fatten up the princess with, why not go out and find gold (which is a lot heavier than cake) to stuff into a treasure chest. The more gold in the chest, the heavier it would be, and the harder it would be to carry," she said, before adding, "Oh, but that's not as "cute" as cake and fat chicks. Right."

A Little Surprise!

2008-06-14T23:33:00.000-07:00

Last night I get a phone call from brother bear Kevin telling me he was walking to the mailbox where he lives and all of the sudden this rat looking thing ran across the road. Little did he know it was a small, teeny tiny white kitten he saw. So Mitchi and he caught the kitten and washed it up and fed it. So at 10:45 he tells me to come down to see it, so I did!

I ended up taking the little booger home with me!!!! Now, Goat does not like other cats, so I have to keep my little precious in my room till I leave. But the cat was crying ALL NIGHT LONG! So far tonight he/she is doing much better. Sleeping in our kitty tent which has been passed around from the White Cat, the Black Cat, Goat, and now on to one who actually uses it.

Now... for a name. Kevin wants to name it Falcore, I said Blue Cheese because of it's big blue eyes and resemblance of cheese, Mitchi said Lamb or Sheep since we already have a goat and Jasmine agreed by saying... "ya it's very sheepish" (referring to the fact it was very scared and shy... haha Jas)

I'll settle on a name soon. But for now here's a couple pictures of our new cuteness.

Love is dying to yourself

2008-06-08T20:51:00.000-07:00

I've been having a hard time this past week. Mostly the normal stuff I've been struggling with.... what does God want me to do in my life and where. But I'm starting to see the light. It's a good feeling being able to come back to God and actually have that relationship with him that I've been missing for a while now.

Tonight we had our summer bible study on Spiritual Mothering, basically mentoring. I love the women in our church because I can hang out with a group of ladies older than myself and be accepted. They don't make me feel awkward for being young and single when they are all married with children. I just love listening to their stories and praying with them. I like to hear their struggles because it makes me feel more comfortable because as a group together we just don't judge each other. It's amazing!

In our bible study one of the things we talked about that really hit home for me was this: Love is dying to yourself and also love is taking enormous risks. Love is a powerful thing. This can be applied in my life in so many different ways, but I can think of a few people in particular where I need to take enormous risks and die to myself in order to love them. That's a hard thing to do, but only by the grace and mercy of God will I be able to even think I can do that. And how on earth can people relate to each other or lean on one another without it?

God's been showing me that I need to trust him. After the whole Morocco situation and being let down over it, I just figured... oh well, I guess I just have to settle down in Las Vegas. But recently through older couples and my church family I've had open eyes to see that there's a WHOLE WORLD out there! And I don't have to stay in my comfort zone here in Vegas. I think that for the time being he wants me here. Mostly because I think it'd be too much picking up and just leaving. I also have commitments to the youth group that I really don't want to let down. So I've decided I'm going to take baby steps. I'm saving up my money and I'm going to get an apartment. Along with the new place I'm getting a kitty of my own. Maybe even TWO! We'll see.

But I truly feel much better tonight about my life and what God has in store. I just wish this feeling would stick around more!!!!

All good things must come to an end

2008-06-01T00:29:00.000-07:00

We're in the airport about to catch our red-eye back to Vegas. I'm not ready for vacation to be over. And I have less than 24 hours to switch from vacation mode back to work mode.

So what have I learned most about being in Hawaii, friendship can be hard!! Tolerance can be hard, and holding your tongue is EXTRA hard.

But whatever... I'm totally over all of it. We went to the Punchbowl today, it's where all the WWII veterans are buried. It was so awesome to see. They created a great memorial for those people.

I'm going to miss the clouds! They were so fluffy and close to the ground! I'm going to miss the NICE people!!! Who tell you "Aloha" every time you see them. I'm going to miss actually being able to relax! I'll miss the sea turtles and the beautiful sunsets. I'll miss the delicious shaved ice!! And the amazing jaw-dropping mountains covered in grass and trees. But back to Vegas we go whether I like it or not.

And so it continues

2008-05-29T23:46:00.000-07:00

We went snorkeling again today! I saw an eel!!! It was scary and looked like it wanted to hurt me so I swam away. No turtles this time, but it was still great nonetheless!!! Snorkeling really is great! I usually only see the ocean as a whole, I never get to explore the underworld! It's fantastic!

Last night we took a trip to the Polynesian Culture Center where we were able to observe and participate in different Polynesian cultures! It was really fun! I learned about different rituals they partake in, different dances, games, and songs they have. We also went to a luau which was so much fun! There was delicious food amongst the gross raw fish that I stayed away from... bleh! Then we were able to watch a show with the different dances of 6 tribes! At the end were the fire twirlers which was just absolutely amazing!

This place has a lot of cats! I'd take one home if I could. :( OOO! And Mongoose! They're adorable little creatures. Tonight I sat and watched the sunset on the rocks where the water was crashing. That is until the tide started to come in and the wave almost crashed into me... haha But it was still great.

Still working on the tan. My tummy refuses to tan, but I will succeed! It's taken me till about yesterday afternoon to actually RELAX!!! Now I have to leave soon and switch back to normal right away. We'll see how that goes.

OK LOST TIME!!!! YESSSSS I'm excited to watch since I've driven around the island, I want to see if I recognize anything! yippy!!

Hawaii Day 4!

2008-05-28T00:09:00.000-07:00

Lots of fun things have happened! yippy!

Yesterday we went snorkeling where we saw really cool fish AND a sea turtle!!! It was so cool! Except for the part where I swallowed a mouthful of sea water. bleh... We went to this shindig at the place we're staying had a Mai Tie party where we got to have a mini luau right here! And we were able to watch the dudes climb up a palm tree which was pretty cool. And of course... worked on getting more tan! yay! We ended the night on the beach with our feet in the ocean, the sounds of waves in our ears, and the bright stars above. *sigh* Absolutely blissful.

Today we spent the day driving around the island. It's BEAUTIFUL! It's moments like this where I just can't believe how beautiful God made this place for us to enjoy and how thankful I am to have a break from the normal desert and change into this paradise! Pictures can't describe how awesome it was. Word can't describe how beautiful it was. We were also able to find the LOST fuselage.... only, it was covered with a tarp. :( BUT at least I was able to see it. We also stopped at this cliff place where the waves were crazy and slamming into the rocks. It was totally dangerous to climb down and get closer, so of course I had to. It was amazing; crashing waves are probably one of the coolest things to just sit and watch. I could have stayed there all day. But alas, I could not. So we kept driving and were suppose to go snorkeling in this really neat place and just or luck it was CLOSED on Tuesday. poop. In the morning we went to the Dole Plantation which was so much fun!!! We had a tour of where they grow the produce, and then got to roam around the gardens with the amazing flowers they have here. They're gorgeous!!

That's all for now, tomorrow should be fun. We're going to the Polynesian Culture Center for the BIG luau!

I'm in Hawaii!

2008-05-26T00:05:00.000-07:00

Many things have happened lately that I haven't gotten around to post. One being the end of student teaching and the beginning of the new teaching position, another being graduation from UNLV, and the 3rd is my trip to Hawaii. But luckily, I'm sitting on the balcony of our PENTHOUSE on the top floor of this ocean view room staring at the stars above, the waves crashing, and the endlessness of blackness out into the ocean. It's more than I could ever ask for.

Yesterday morning we arrived on the wonderful and beautiful island of O'ahu! It's so amazing here! And I can't help think about LOST when I look at the mountains covered in green and wonder if I've seen those same mountains on the show. Yes... that's right, that's one thing I haven't been able to get over is that I'm WHERE they film LOST!

So far we've worked on our tans, floated in the ocean, watched the beautiful sunset and finally... RELAXED! We also were able to check out the Pearl Harbor memorial center. That was just astonishing. I don't know why I didn't put 2 and 2 together that the Arizona battleship is still in the water. I always wondered why they had the white thingy there. DUH! But it was just one of those moments where you don't know whether to be excited or sad. But we ended up doing both. I'll be putting up pictures for everyone to enjoy later, but for now I need a shower!

The most important thing I've learned so far... life is too short to be moody and angry over stupid things. :) The end.

Hopefully I've have some moments through out the week to share more. YAY!!!

Only 4 days left

2008-05-05T22:59:00.000-07:00

It's a sure thing that I will be teaching Writing from May 12th to July 17th to the same group of 5th graders I am with now. Today I walked into my teacher's classroom and she just started with the questions... "What do you think you want to do for procedures?" "How are you going to decorate?" "Do you have any lesson plans yet?" and so on a so forth. I guess I was just excited to have a good paying job again that I failed to think about the most important things. So that's what I started thinking about today.

Along with that... my teacher tells me that she thinks it'd be a fun surprise to NOT tell them that I'm going to teach them and I should just show up on Monday ready to teach. She thinks this would be a great pick me up for them considering all that's been going on latley. I understand... but then again... all day today kids were remembering that this is my last week and that I'd "be gone" next week. So they're going to have to be sad first before it gets better. We shall see how this all ends up! And they keep telling me to just be prepared because kids can be a little resilient at first with change but they'll come around. I'm not TOO much of a change... but still.

This also presents the problem of I can't really do much in the class I'll be in. And I can't do much decorating because then they'll know I'm going to be there!!! So I have all these ideas that I'm working on but can't start till FRIDAY! But I did in fact start cleaning and organizing because the room is a MESS! And I can't work like that. So here are the 2 cupboards I cleaned out today!

Before:
After:

Really... I'm going to be ready for my first year of teaching because of all this that's happening!

Upbeats and Beatdowns

2008-05-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

This week has been interesting. On Tuesday... well it was my 22nd birthday. When I went to school the happy go lucky day I thought I would have, turned out to be the total opposite. The principal called all the teacher it to tell us that one of our 5th grade teachers was in a car crash on April 12th and has been in the hospital every sense and is not coming back this year. So the teachers didn’t handle it very well and we spent the morning worrying about how the kids would take it. The principal kept the news for so long because she wanted to wait till testing was over to tell the kids so they weren’t thinking about it. Anyway, when we did tell the kids they freaked out and broke down hysterically. It’s was the most depressing thing ever. I can’t explain how it feels to watch half of the kids you teach shaking because they’re crying so much and just full of worry, fear, and sadness! And all I could do was hold strong and pretend like I wasn't sad for the sake of the 170 students. It was a messy day.

Two days have gone by and kids have started asking who's going to be the new teacher. And all the other 5th grade teachers have apparently been planning that the day after I'm done student teaching I will step in for the rest of the year and teach Writing. Oh great... writing. The one subject I really suck at. But at least I have the support of 4 other great teachers to help me get through this.

I thought student teaching was suppose to be easier than this. AND less emotional! My teacher I'm with tells me my first year is going to be a breeze because of everything I've had to deal with this semester. Jeez And here are some photos for your viewing pleasure.

Children in Trees.

2008-03-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

At our most recent church picnic... which was yesterday, I had THE most relaxing yet most FUN day I've had in a while. It started off with a huge game of basketball! Mind you there we 4 adults playing and about 14 or 16 kids ranging from age 4 to 16 as well AND we were playing on a half court! It was the most chaotic game I've ever participated in and not to mention I lost my voice for a bit becuase of yelling like a little kid and laughing so hard! Next we move on to the tree. This tree is my new favorite tree. There was about 13 kids in it at once and then Hannah and I. So here are some incredible cute and silly pictures from that. Enjoy

The End.

2008-03-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

This is a piece out of my student teaching journal.

I decided I’d write about this whole week because really it was a huge blur and my emotion about the whole week was about the same. I didn’t think it would be true for me what they say about your student teaching. They say that when you get about half way through the semester you hit a wall and it’s just very overwhelming. After I got a feel for what I’d be doing I thought I’d be okay since I could handle the work load and all but what I didn’t take into consideration was how I how feel about the kids.

At times it can be so frustrating with 175 kids! During one of my classes we were talking about stem and leaf plots and they were working on a book assignment that was a little confusing. I don’t know how many times I made it simpler for them and how many times I would tell different students. So I literally stopped everyone, made a big deal of them paying attention and re-told them what one of the question really meant and had them repeat it after me. And what does one student say 2 minutes later?? What does this question mean? When I had JUST told them! It’s frustrating not to show your frustration to the students because I want to make sure they know they can ask me questions, but on the flip side I also want them to pay attention when I ask!

Another issue I had to deal with was taking on the problems of the students. One of the students in my class came up to me after school and told me this was probably her last day and she started crying. And I know a little bit about her home life to get really sad with her. Then I heard about another student who was really upset with something that had happened that he started saying “I want to kill myself” over and over again! So in this aspect I am really just overwhelmed! I’m so attached to these kids and have grown to care about them so much that I hurt with them!

I also took time to talk to one of my students who is failing almost everything and is pretty popular. But this week she’s been coming in after school and getting all her missing work and is so motivated to get her grades up. So I asked her why she’s so motivated when it’s just her and I but as soon as her friends get around she gets this attitude that says I don’t have to do my work because I’m too good for it. She told me she’s distracted by some of the other girls in the class and that when they start talking to her she feels like if they know she wants to get good grades then they won’t be her friend. It was just this whole different side to her I hadn’t seen and I think it’ll be good for her to know that I do care about what she does and that she shouldn’t give in to peer pressure! So we’ll see if it lasts.

So lesson learned? I need to find a way to not take my student’s problems home with me. I think it’s just because I care about people so much, but if I make this a habit I think it’ll be too much for me along the way.

The Snow and the Stars

2008-03-04T21:48:00.000-08:00

One weekend full of it all!

The stars were beautiful...

The snow was fun and amazing....

And being surrounded by people who I love and adore is always a major plus too!

I give everything I surrender...

2008-02-25T22:01:00.000-08:00

There's so much on my mind that it just makes my head want to explode trying to get it out. But I guess I'll start here:

I didn't get the job in Casablanca. I didn't want to tell people because it felt like failure in my heart. It's been a while since I found out, maybe a month or so. But I've been realizing some different things from this experience about myself and God's plan. First of all I've realized that I can actually DO something with my life! It shocked me going through this whole process that I was on my way to doing something huge! So that's a good feeling knowing that I can actually go forward with a dream of mine. I've also figured out that even though I may think I know God's plan for me he can slap me in the face and bring it around to make me see him again. I was thinking that this experience would bring me out of myself, out of my comfort zone and I would come back a changed person because it would be just me and him while I was away. In reality... that's the stupidest thing in the world. Why can't I do that now!?!?! What am I waiting for???

Our last sermon was about Adam and Eve creating the fig leaves to cover up their transparent heart and their sins inside after the fall. Pastor Tim talked about how it was the first showing of self justification in our world. And they were thinking that if they could cover themselves then they were saving themselves. The fig leaves were just excuse makers. That's exactly what I've been doing. Hiding behind these fig leaves I've been creating because I think I don't need God to get through my problems.

I want to be able to love people. Truly love them, and to selflessly listen to what they have to say and be someone they can lean on. I think I’m this incredibly busy person when in reality I just get tired and think I need alone time… I forget how important fellowship is, but refuse to do things. Maybe because I don’t want to face things and don’t want to actually have close relationships with people because then they’d see my heart and I just don’t like talking about my pathetic problems. But I guess I kind of am here… but of course it’s always easier to when you think no one is actually reading.

I've been listening to Sanctus Real's new cd. It's so great. I love that I can listen to songs and they describe exactly how I'm feeling or bring up new feelings that I didn't know were there. Or in this case kinda slapped me in the face and it's like God is using it to make me see all of this (everything I've been talking about). So this is the song:

Whatever You're Doing

It's time for healing, time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Chorus: Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone, time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...

Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

I think that's it for now. There are so many battles going on inside my heart sometimes I wonder how I survive it all. But thank God I do get through it.

5th Grade

2008-02-08T21:28:00.001-08:00

Three weeks into my student teaching and I was thinking about my kids today and how I'm starting to cherish them. I haven't talked about my students yet!! So if you haven't heard yet, I have 175 5th graders for my Student Teaching! I know right? I was a little freaked out at first but it's so much fun! And I'm on the path to learning ALL their names. I have 2 classes and about 10 kids from each of the other 3 classes memorized so that's about half!

But anyway, I've started bonding with them and showing my real self which is a little mean, but whatever... they need that in a teacher I've started to see. So even though I yell at them because they're lazy I really do it because I want them to succeed and see their real potential.

It breaks my heart to hear about the lives of some of these kids. I think that's going to be the worse part about this job is seeing the pain these kids have to go through and sometimes pain that they can't escape or had no choice in. Really, it's unbearable and I just want to change their lives for them!

The neat thing about having so many kidos is there are SO many different personalities and they're so amusing. My teacher and I were laughing at them because they were given an assignment (it's math and it was on polygons) and it was SO easy and we thought they'd finish it in like 15 minutes. But really... we were watching them get their paper out.... then find their pencil... then get their book out.... then bug everyone around them to see what page they were on. It takes them so long! And to see the kids who try so hard and come in to get help because they actually care is just amazing! They're such awesome younglings!

But I'm seeing how much they watch you and how much they actually take to heart. Since I haven't been in a classroom for more than 3 hours a day 4 days a week I haven't really seen that as much as I do now. So I can honestly say that I'm so excited for the next 2ish months I have with them!

Student Teaching... Welcome to Reality

2008-02-06T19:01:00.000-08:00

Why do I want to be a teacher? That's a good question. It seems like everyone in my program has this idea of hopefully changing a child's life through teaching. Over the past year I have learned a lot about this thing we call teaching; and with that I have seen the reality of teaching.

One of the most annoying things that I have experienced during my observations and being around teachers is the question of "So... after being here do you still want to be a teacher?" or you get the comments such as "You should get out while you still can" or "teachers are so underpaid and there's to much paperwork...blah blah blah". And calling a student stupid as a stump is NOT okay. Giving up on a student becuase it's frustrating when they don't get it as fast as you want them is NOT okay.

So really... why do teachers have to be so discouraging to us younglings? Don't they know we know all this?? But we... I have so much passion for teaching, I still believe that I can make a difference in a child's life. I still believe that I can use my talents and knowledge to help students learn about things inside and outside of the classroom!

Now wait, not everyone I've been around is like this. The teacher who's class I'm in for student teaching is A-mazing! She taught in the most dangerous part of Chicago and her stories are crazy! She cares about her students SO much. She WANTS to see them succeed and she gives them so many opportunities to get help and she just genuinely loves her job even though there are some tedious tasks she has to do, or meetings she has to go through, or paperwork she has to fill out. I've been so blessed to be in her classroom.

Today my teacher and I went into the principle's office to talk to her about a student and the principle turns to me and asks me after seeing all these difficult situations with the students "Are you still motivated towards being a teachers after seeing what happens behind the scenes?" I said yes and she went on to say "Good! I think that if every teacher went into their classroom each day with the attitude that they could make a difference in a students life then our children would change tremendously. So even though there's drama and students getting in trouble, don't ever give up!" She's an amazing lady!

This is long so I'll talk about my students later. :)

Before I start Student Teaching

2008-01-18T15:27:00.000-08:00

Life has been so busy. Working 3 jobs and trying to just relax and hang out with people. But I thought I'd update everyone on things going on in my life.

First things first. I got an interview with the school in Morocco!! That should happen next week sometime so that's so exciting! The lady who's been in contact with me from the agency I'd like to go through sounds excited and feels good about it all! They even sent me information on what to expect about being there and the things I would not be able to find or would be expensive. It was actually a funny list! The most depressing thing they wouldn't have is peanut butter. :-O Oh nos! haha So that's the update with that!

Next piece of news is Student Teaching! I finally found out my school, teacher, and grade! YAY! I'm at a school I've actually substitute taught at which is cool. I'm in the 5th grade which I'm TOTALLY excited about, and all of this starts Tuesday next week! And I'm basically having to start lesson plans right when I start!

So if you're thinking about me, say a little prayer for my decision making as well as my nerves!

I'll keep you updated on the rest! ^_^

3 Years, 3 months, and 20 days

2007-12-15T09:00:00.000-08:00

Here by ends my days working at the office of First-Year Programs and Transition Services... no University Programs.... wait, The Office of Orientation and Parent Programs. The name isn't the only thing that has changed in this office. We've moved from a tiny office to a much bigger one, we've gone from having 4 people in the office to having 10, and we've had so many changes of student workers.

Now it's all over. Time to move on. It didn't hit me how much I would miss it until the moment before I was leaving. But in all honesty, I needed to get out of there. I needed to move on to bigger and better things. Oh... and I just didn't have time to work there anymore, that's really my only excuse.

What will I take away from this job? I learned that it's easier just to use the office copier instead of my own at home. I learned about the wonderful opportunities of watching TV online! And along with that how to arrange my desktop to watch those TV shows and work at the same time. I learned that people suck at organizing and it drove me crazy. I learned about budgeting and how to check and balance it. And about college things in general.

For being my first job it sure did last a long time, but I did get awesome pay raises so that's just great. So good-bye UP! It's been great!

My 2 days of subbing!

2007-11-02T15:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and today I subbed for a 5th grade class in an... okay part of town. I wouldn't say rich, but wouldn't say poor. I really like subbing for the same class twice in a row. It's so much more fun. But this class in particular was soooo much fun! Yesterday I wasn't as excited as I was today. It was kinda blah and boring, but I was looking over the lesson plans for Friday and there was going to be a bunch of extra time. So I planned a couple different lessons and brought in some of my own stuff! I love 5th grade. The kids are starting to get that attitude, but it's new to them, so they're still figuring out how to use it so it's funny to me. haha And their self-efficient it's so cool!

We did this activity with Double Meaning Words, and when I asked if they had ever learned about them they said they had done it last year. So I was kind of sad and didn't think it'd go well. I had them brain storm as many as they could and they were all thinking of some really great things! When I asked them if they were running out of words they wanted to keep thinking! It was so cool! So then I gave each student an index card and on the front was a word such as "Sink" and on the other side they had to illustrate the 2 meanings and create a sentence. They ended up loving it and taking so much time on their work.

Then we played math baseball instead of just working straight out of the book. But to make sure everyone was practicing, EVERYONE had to do the problem just in case the person at the board got the answer wrong then I would call on the first hand I saw. And everyone had to have a turn at the board, so when one student's turn was up she really didn't want to go up, but I gave her a semi-easy one, and she ended up getting it right!! It was so exciting!

Then we made this collage with biomes and they had to sort the different animals and plants, and it was so cool to watch them all do it! And it was this LONG piece of paper, and they didn't finish but it's going to look so awesome when they get it done.

So their treat for being good kids was they got to play "Goofball" which is like kickball without rules. It was ridiculous. I could never play it... But it was fun to watch. I think I sometimes tend to be a little bit too much of a "friend" I guess you could say. But I'm serious when I need to be and get things done when it's needed so whatever! I don't think it's bad to have fun!

I would sub again for that class ANY day!

Sigh of Relief

2007-10-29T19:38:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with the recruiter for Teach Overseas. After freaking out over it for the whole day she finally called at 6:00 pm on the dot. I was amazed at how open and honest I was with her, but also the questions that were asked were pretty heavy anyway. But I felt like it went well, I was surprised at how I answered some questions. We talked about why I want to go overseas, my relationship with God, my relationship with others, my experience with teaching, and what I should expect from my experience overseas.

It was a lot of good information and I feel more confident and excited about going over there. But on the other hand, I feel that even if I don't get to go I have learned so much through this experience. I know that God will use me either in the states or in Morocco and he has set up this experience for one reason or another. I also feel like I'm in the place where if I didn't get accepted then I would still be ok. So that's good.

So now that I have turned in my application and done the interview now I have to wait for them to send their information to the school in Morocco, I have to complete a video of me teaching a lesson, and I have to wait for my references to send in their information. ^.^ I'm getting that much closer to knowing if I'm really going to be going or not.

Time to tell the masses!

2007-10-02T11:07:00.000-07:00

Today I made an announcement to my family. I have been trying to get up the nerves to tell them for a while now, waiting till it was a very serious thing, and now it is. So since they know I can tell everyone else!

I just recently submitted an application to teach overseas in Morocco!! It's a 2 year commitment and I'm really excited. The kids will speak mostly English, but also French and Arabic.

So that's that, and now I just await to see if they accept me!

A Pile of Dirty Cloths

2007-09-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

Lately I feel like my life is like the pile of cloths in my room... yes I'm going there, deal with it. So usually when my room is just insanely messy I get to this point where I can't deal with it anymore, I have no clean underoos, and something needs to change. I'm trying to think of the last time my room and cloths were all clean. I think it was about 2 or 3 weeks ago, possibly even longer. So as most of you have experienced yourselves, it just starts off with a few shirts and flip flops laying around because you just got home from a long day and just didn't want to put it away. Slowly and surly the pile starts to grow. At some points within the last weeks I had attempted to clean it by throwing all the cloths on the bed, the shoes in a pile, and the trash somewhere in a foot radius of the trash can. I put my cloths on my bed to force me to do something with them before I go to bed. This method has not been working because I just end up sleeping on one of the other beds in my house. So as of right now.... cloths are EVERYWHERE and everything else I own is just sitting on my floor in this huge mess.

So how you may ask does this relate to my life? I feel like all of my sins have been slowly piling up and I'm just too lazy to do anything about it. And it's not the matter of me trying to clean it all up so I can just live, it's the fact that I'm too lazy to repent, not willing to change, not ready to look at the pile of crap that I have been living with for a while now. And I've had attempts at "cleaning" my heart I guess you could say, I've heard awesome sermons that give great advice and hit me with the truth and word of God, and I've started a mini-bible study with Tobi and Hannah, I've done all these little things that have only just sorted out the sinful things away in my heart, but I still just haven't faced the fact that things are so outta wack ad that I'm sick of living with this pile of mess!

I just got home from our Sunday night college group with our church. I was so great because I was able to be honest with them and tell them exactly how I feel. It was blunt... I defiantly spouted some tears, but it was also great to hear what everyone else had to say. I think it was such a great step that we took today! And it's definitely an answer to prayer and I'm so excited to see what's in store for our group next.

I think that's it for now. Jeez... so many blogs in such a short amount of time!

Futbol!

2007-09-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

What a nice day for a little futbol in the park! I wish the weather was like this every day!

And, since I'm an awesome photographer... here's some really cool pictures!

Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica

2007-09-21T14:45:00.001-07:00

First off! One of my best friends Whitnie, from High School, called this fine afternoon and for some reason I knew exactly what she was going to tell me! She's pregnant! YAY!!! This news pretty much made my day! We didn't think she'd be the first to have a baby, we thought it would be Bonny! But I'm sure she's not too far away. hehe I suppose you'd only understand that if you knew my little circle of friends. YAY! So I'm just so happy for her and it's going to be the cutest little thing ever! I can't believe one of us is going to have a little one! eeee!

Today I finished up my substitute teaching paperwork and whatnot, now I just have to get through Orientation Monday and I'll be set for working! It's about time because I'm in need of the mula.

From there I went to complete my graduation packet and applied for Student Teaching! I got to put my first 3 choices, so I put 4th, 5th then 3rd. I've come to realize that I think I like those grades better because I have the personality for it.

Not too much else happening. I've been sick... getting over that, and busy busy busy with school. Speaking of I totally forgot that I'm a lazy partner and I have to put in my 2 cents for this lesson plan! poop

Under the Blacklight

2007-09-06T23:28:00.000-07:00

It's September. Wow. I was just thinking today that I remember way back in January thinking this was going to be a good year! And now I'm already planning for things in December.

So another sleepless night... seems like there's been a lot of those these days. And I always seem to end up on my hammock outside at midnight just thinking about anything and everything. And why is it that every time I start freaking out I seem to want to write a blog? weird...

August was pretty great. I got to see a bunch of family and take a road trip with Tobi in California. It was pretty great! Then school started last week. All in all I guess I'm loving it, but in reality it's mostly why I'm so emotional and moody these days.

Senior year... wow. Almost done with college! Only 8 months till graduation. I should be excited and happy... right?! I feel like I'm on this emotional roller coaster. Everything I do, I go from being happy to getting really sad because it'll be over soon. The smallest things make me want to cry, when I'm just overwhelmingly happy I want to cry, and of course when I think about where I'll be in a year.... I want to cry. It's ridiculous really because even though I want to nothing actually comes out.

I decided to start substitute teaching. I'm just waiting.... and waiting for the paperwork to finish up. And I was recommended to check out this private Christian school up by my house to be a substitute for them which would be very awesome. So I'm applying for that. And I just got an application for this other thing, but am not quite ready to talk about it yet. All these applications man! Applications, resumes, graduation applications, student teaching applications, final tests I have to pay for in order to get my teaching license, bah!!! Too much at once.

I think I'm done. I guess I feel a little load off my shoulders. But in all honest I've been running to look for comfort in all the wrong places. I don't know why I feel like writing a blog is going to solve all my problems.... maybe it just helps with sorting things out? Or seeing my thoughts in words? Why is it so hard to take it to God? He's the only one who won't let me down, he's the only one who I know will always love me and never leave me, and I know he understands what I'm feeling here and why but I can't seem to take it to him. Or maybe that's what I'm doing now... enough with the pity party right?

From the hammock in my backyard

2007-07-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

It sucks missing people. And the more I go to camp the more people I have to miss! And Facebook is great, but it just doesn't cut it with actually BEING with the people! Did you know I was so bored today that I map quested how long it would take to hit every place with the people I miss the most. I went from Vegas to Lander, WY to Lincoln, NE to Broken Arrow, OK (and then some) to Kansas to Dallas, TX to Las Cruces, NM to Tucson, AZ (and other places around there) and back up to Vegas. It would take 50 hours. It'd be an insanely awesome road trip though.

On the flip side, at camp we talked about Heaven and one thing that was just amazing to me was that we won't have to say good bye to people. Think about how freaking awesome that will be! So I guess there's hope there!

And I started freaking out over the future once again. I had to go to my friend's wedding reception (where I felt totally awkward btw because it was a Mormon friend and I was the only one wearing a tank top... haha) and her family kept asking if I wanted to teach here and the honest truth is... I DON'T KNOW! Making decisions suck, but in the mist of all my stressing out I just all of the sudden felt my heart sink and thought... "one day at a time Melissa, there's no need to freak out about a year from now, just focus on what's happening now!!!" So in conclusion I came home and filled out an application for substitute teaching! So I'll hopefully start that in the Fall and have that as my main job as well as my job at UNLV! Lord willing... I'll survive! So whoever does read this... say a quick prayer for me: That God would pull my heart the way he wants me to go and give me the willpower and self-confidence I desperately need to survive life after college!

I think that's it for now.

July

2007-07-24T12:51:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning upset becuase I had to go to work. I've been use to not having to go to work so much. Today... I felt much better once I stepped outside. The smell of wet grass, clouds over-head, nice temperature... *sigh* It makes me wish I didn't hate waking up early so much so I could enjoy the morning before the Vegas grossness kicks in.

Aside from that... sometimes I wonder why I even keep this blog going, I know I haven't had it that long, but does anyone besides Tobi even care what I think?! haha

And most of all I wanted to share how happy July has made me!

-First and foremost... PYA; the meeting new people, getting to know old people even better, refreshing my relationship with God, learning so many new things, and just enjoying being away from the craziness of life.

-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows; which really made my summer complete! *sigh*

-Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

-Tegan and Sara's new CD! It's just so fabulous!

-Sunshine; the new awesome movie I will be watching tonight!

-Once; which I watched about a week ago. It's a really good movie, and has an awesome soundtrack!! So y'all should watch it too!!!

-And July 31st... HOT FUZZ out on DVD! horray! Then I can watch it as much as I want!

And July isn't even over yet. I just feel so relaxed and calm... even though I should really be stressing over the next upcoming month August. I just feel like I finally have a summer break and it feels great! So I will spend my time wisely; savoring every day of this lovley month with my friends, family, and maybe even work on some crafty projects that have been sitting in my mind for FOREVER now!

The end.

Take it up a notch

2007-07-17T15:55:00.000-07:00

My brothers have deemed the month of July take it up a notch month. And even though it's not over, I feel like I have lived up to this month; from things such as opening up, to putting myself out there, to not looking back and just moving forward, and to really trying to work on my relationship with God.

I just got home from PYA and as normal God did one huge work on me! I really don't even know where to begin! Camp is just so hard to explain to people, it's so hard to articulate. But I do know that I love how God works on us when we're in a group of believers. I feel like it's God's way of encouragement in that we can all talk to each other and pray with each other and just be there to help one another through it. The speakers we amazing! They weren't just speakers, they interacted with us and they genuinely wanted to get to know us. The message was outstanding! In a short summary, we talked about creation, then the fall and all that comes with it and then Heaven and glorification. I have never seen the fall like I have that week and I have never been so excited about Heaven before! Friendships were made that I will never break and relationships built upon and made stronger. We talked a lot about being jars of clay and how we are not stable, but that's why God built us like that, so that his strength can shine through us!!

Blogging is a strange thing, it's suppose to help me sort out my feelings right? But I feel so lost as I type. But then again, I just feel lost being back at home. I wish that I could gradually be pushed back into my normal life, but instead I have to just be tossed into the wild pack of wolves waiting for me. I guess it's just God testing my patience. I wonder if this is the place I'm suppose to be, but I think it is, I'm not 100% sure, but I know I can't leave my family. They need me.. no matter what hell I'm being put through, and no matter how alone I feel at dealing with it all, they need me.

But anyway, there are pictures from camp under picture thingy. I don't really know what else to say at the moment. So peace

Disneyland!

2007-06-29T18:07:00.000-07:00

I haven't had the chance to write about my fun adventure to California with my mumsy! It all starts with our birthdays... back in November she turned 50 and back in April I turned 21! So we decided to make a huge party out of it and head to Disneyland! So we drove.... well I drove and pretty fast at that (I was pretending I was in an illegal road race like the show Drive! haha). So we got to our hotel which was halfway between Disneyland and Newport and the lady was nice enough to let us check in early! So naturally we hit the beach. Originally we were going to go to Disneyland that night but since we never get to go to the beach we decided to stay at Newport Beach. And we just stayed and ate on the beach on the dock and to our surprise we saw 3 dolphins!!! It was amazing! So after some tanning, walking around, and eating... we decided to sleep.

Saturday we spent 15 hours at Disneyland and we got Hopper tickets and were able to check out California Adventures too! It was so much fun! And California Adventures was so cool! There was a roller coaster there and I forced my mommy to ride it 3 times in a row! haha It was seriously amazing! What else did we do? We rode all the totally awesome rides at Disneyland at least twice. My mom had never ridden Space Mountain so we did that first. And then of course the Star Wars ride, Pirates of the Carribean ride, Indiana Jones, Splash Mountain, the bobsled one, and Thunder Mountain. California Adventures had this one ride that was based on a crazy road in CA and we thought it looked cute... NO it was insane and scary!!! We hated it. Funny thing was that there were these two grown men riding behind us and they were freaked out too! As the
day went on...and on and on the sun started to go down and we wanted to watch the Fantasia show on the lake thingy. Anyway about this time I started to get pissed because of all the stupid people everywhere. But it was amazing and right after it was over we ran to Indiana Jones to ride it one more time. By now it's about 10:15. And finally we thought we'd ride the train that goes around the park just for a nice peaceful time. So that was our day in a short summary. We had a lot of fun... minus the pissyness near the end of the 15 hours. haha

On Sunday we went to this PCA church I looked up online. While I was looking I realized that there were a lot of Korean churches down there so when we walked up to the church and saw a bunch of Korean people. So we were kind of nervous, but they just came right up to us and welcomed us and just genuinely cared that we were there. It was a really tiny church maybe only 30 people. But I think everyone came up to great us! But ya, it was pretty cool seeing a different church! Then we went back to the beach... I got a bad sunburn and we drove home. We sang a lot and car danced a lot! haha So yay for hanging out with my mommy for a whole weekend by myself! YAY!

To see more pictures and they're all wonderful!... go to my "Family Photos" to the right! wu wu

Wide Awake

2007-06-28T01:37:00.000-07:00

It's currently 1:37 in the am... why am I still up?? Ya... I have no idea. I was finishing my final 2 projects for school, but I finished them at 12:00 or maybe 12:30. And I have to get up early to teach my final lesson for my practicum. While lying here trying to sleep a couple things hit me... first, since we're talking about school, I'm a senior! A SENIOR! ahhh! Amanda and I were talking about graduation and how exciting it will be, but at the same time it's pretty sad too because I've gotten really close to here this year. But I guess we still have a whole year so I won't dwell on that. But it does make me wonder if I've changed. I mean, I know I have... but I guess I just don't see it myself. Have I become unrecognizable to people? Or have they just accepted whatever I've changed into and moved on with life?

Second thing that hit me actually happened a couple days ago when I was helping Amanda move. We passed by a cemetery and it hit me that that's where one of my high school friends is buried and I remembered it was almost July and he had died back on Jul 3, 2003. He died in a car accident which makes me think of my own driving. So back to sitting in bed wide awake... I could not believe that I totally forgot that my grandma died June 24, 2003! I couldn't believe I forgot, so that made me sad. I miss her. But I look at how close my grandpa and uncles have gotten and how close we've gotten to them and I just wish she could see that. So me, being morbid... thought of the rest of my friends and family who have died in the past couple years, my great grandma Mabel Turman, Andrea, Carley, Brian, Jenn's mom, Natalie's mom, that's all that come to mind right now.

This leads me to my next slew of thoughts. Our women's group in our church is reading Hearts of Fire. It's pretty amazing. It's about women and their families and friends around the world would have suffered for their beliefs. This past chapter was about a missionary women who's husband and 2 boys were burned alive in their jeep in a village in India. This women's reaction was so amazing to me. She seemed so quick to forgive. And I know that it takes hard work and eventually she also had to test that forgiveness because she came face to face with the man who planned the murder. It's just crazy to me, I know how I would act in that situation... I would be a huge pity party and close off the world. I would be angry, bitter, and mean. I wouldn't want to forgive that fast! How selfish am I? SERIOUSLY! And even looking at my life now. I say I have forgiven, but I still dwell on it. It's so hard for me to get out of my angry, selfish moods. I'm pathetic... But reading this story gives me hope that it can be done. And I know that it was all God working in her so that's very comforting.

And other than that I've just been so busy. I feel like I've just been going from one thing to the next, living on fast food, and practically turning my car into a 2nd home. I was reading through my journal tonight (yes I still keep a written journal) and it seems like I always write when God has turned my nasty heart around. I guess I'm just too ashamed to share the nasty heart with anyone. Although I had written a long blog that would have shown the very true me... but I erased it, I guess because I didn't want people judging me. But the fact of the matter is that I'm a huge mess. I'm a tangle web of sin and garbage. And the thing with me... is that I do see my sin but I just dwell on it and I complain about it and I throw a huge pity party with extra pity on top. It's amazing how I can be so self involved. It's amazing that I can feel so distant from people and not do a thing to try and fix it and sometimes not even want to fix it. Bah I don't know. Perhaps it's the fact that it's now 2:14 am and I'm still not tired, I just want to keep writing! But I think I should stop for now. Maybe try to sleep since tomorrow will defiantly be too long if I don't get some shut eye.

frick

2007-06-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

My stupid cat peed on all my clean cloths... that pretty much sums up the reality of my week...

Weddings, Graduations, and Practicums

2007-06-14T14:28:00.000-07:00

Congratulations again to my beautiful friends Whitnie and Bonny on their weddings! ^_^ I know they about a month ago but still!

Congratulations to all my friends who graduated this year! Especially Molly and Hannah! I love you and I cannot believe you're getting so old! AHHH!

Hannah!

Molly!

And sadly today was my last day with my fabulous 3rd grade practicum class. :-( My teacher was SO sweet! All the kids made cards for me and my teacher brought in a big cookie and we just had so much fun! I did not think that I could get so attached to a class in 5 weeks, but it happened. I haven't gotten attached to any classes in the past and I think it's all becuase I'm actually teaching them so maybe there's a special bond going on there! I'd put a picture of me and the class up but I guess it's not really a good idea... And sadly I still have 3 weeks until I'm finished with summer school AND I have to be in 2 different classes for the rest of my practicum! BOO!

Use Me Here

2007-06-10T22:12:00.000-07:00

After a long day of starting my worrying up about my future, I was driving home tonight after a very fun time with Molly listening to my music and a song came on. It was a total God thing. The lyrics are:

Use me here, where I am.
I'm not going to pray anymore that you'll change your plan.
Despite my fear I place my life in your hands,
the future can wait tomorrow might be too late!
So Jesus use me here.

The song goes on, but it's just incredibly comforting. I wonder about where I'll end up and who with, if I'll stay in Vegas or leave to go somewhere else and I worry ALL THE TIME about the future. But the truth is that the future can wait and I'm here and now and God will use me while I'm here! Pastor always says "God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called" And even though that scares me too it's nice to know that even if he does send me off away from everything I know and everything I depend on here, he will give me what I need to handle any situation!

I love little God moments like that. It's so silly for me to worry as much as I do....

As becuase I'm talking about being in my car and since I'm always in my car. Here are some fun pictures I have taken in my car! ^_^

Good grief!

2007-06-06T14:18:00.000-07:00

Tobi sucked me into creating a blog so here goes nothing! I am of course not as artistic as Tobi so my writing is usually just a bunch of rambling.

This summer is an unusually busy one for me. I'm in the middle of my 8 week long summer courses and for the most part I love it. Monday through Thursday I'm in a 3rd grade classroom for 3 hours. And then I'm also taking two methods classes with this practicum, math and writing. So far I don't feel like I'm even learning anything important in those classes! But my practicum is really teaching me so much. My school is an at-risk school meaning the kids who go there are of lower income families and the school also doesn't get as much money as some of the others. I really feel like I need to be a teacher in one of these schools! And after these past 3 1/2 weeks I have never been more confident in what I need to be doing with my life. It's an amazing feeling to know that I will have a job that I can't wait to get up and go to! I have gotten really attached to the 17 kids in my class and I know it's going to be hard to leave them! This morning I even played tag with them before school but only because all the girls insisted on it! And they giggled the whole time and said "You're so funny Mrs. Thomas!" haha I could go on and on, but I'll save it for when I have some really good stories!

Other than that I'll be working 3 jobs this summer... one is for 3 weeks and I'm getting $1,500 for being a teacher's assistant for a high school program being held at UNLV. The other two are just lamo jobs that I'll be squeezing in between class.

July will be the best because of 4 things....PYA, the church camp I am a counselor at! I still can't believe it's been a year since our last visit! Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and the new John Krazenski movie! Sooo cute! *sigh* HORRAY! What a summer I must say!

Time to hit the books and projects and many papers! I'm sure I'll become addicted to this too so stay tuned!