I'm in Hawaii!

Many things have happened lately that I haven't gotten around to post. One being the end of student teaching and the beginning of the new teaching position, another being graduation from UNLV, and the 3rd is my trip to Hawaii. But luckily, I'm sitting on the balcony of our PENTHOUSE on the top floor of this ocean view room staring at the stars above, the waves crashing, and the endlessness of blackness out into the ocean. It's more than I could ever ask for. 

Yesterday morning we arrived on the wonderful and beautiful island of O'ahu! It's so amazing here! And I can't help think about LOST when I look at the mountains covered in green and wonder if I've seen those same mountains on the show. Yes... that's right, that's one thing I haven't been able to get over is that I'm WHERE they film LOST! 

So far we've worked on our tans, floated in the ocean, watched the beautiful sunset and finally... RELAXED! We also were able to check out the Pearl Harbor memorial center. That was just astonishing. I don't know why I didn't put 2 and 2 together that the Arizona battleship is still in the water. I always wondered why they had the white thingy there. DUH! But it was just one of those moments where you don't know whether to be excited or sad. But we ended up doing both. I'll be putting up pictures for everyone to enjoy later, but for now I need a shower!

The most important thing I've learned so far... life is too short to be moody and angry over stupid things. :) The end. 

Hopefully I've have some moments through out the week to share more. YAY!!!

Only 4 days left

It's a sure thing that I will be teaching Writing from May 12th to July 17th to the same group of 5th graders I am with now. Today I walked into my teacher's classroom and she just started with the questions... "What do you think you want to do for procedures?" "How are you going to decorate?" "Do you have any lesson plans yet?" and so on a so forth. I guess I was just excited to have a good paying job again that I failed to think about the most important things. So that's what I started thinking about today.

Along with that... my teacher tells me that she thinks it'd be a fun surprise to NOT tell them that I'm going to teach them and I should just show up on Monday ready to teach. She thinks this would be a great pick me up for them considering all that's been going on latley. I understand... but then again... all day today kids were remembering that this is my last week and that I'd "be gone" next week. So they're going to have to be sad first before it gets better. We shall see how this all ends up! And they keep telling me to just be prepared because kids can be a little resilient at first with change but they'll come around. I'm not TOO much of a change... but still.

This also presents the problem of I can't really do much in the class I'll be in. And I can't do much decorating because then they'll know I'm going to be there!!! So I have all these ideas that I'm working on but can't start till FRIDAY! But I did in fact start cleaning and organizing because the room is a MESS! And I can't work like that. So here are the 2 cupboards I cleaned out today!

Before:
After:

Really... I'm going to be ready for my first year of teaching because of all this that's happening!

Upbeats and Beatdowns

This week has been interesting. On Tuesday... well it was my 22nd birthday. When I went to school the happy go lucky day I thought I would have, turned out to be the total opposite. The principal called all the teacher it to tell us that one of our 5th grade teachers was in a car crash on April 12th and has been in the hospital every sense and is not coming back this year. So the teachers didn’t handle it very well and we spent the morning worrying about how the kids would take it. The principal kept the news for so long because she wanted to wait till testing was over to tell the kids so they weren’t thinking about it. Anyway, when we did tell the kids they freaked out and broke down hysterically. It’s was the most depressing thing ever. I can’t explain how it feels to watch half of the kids you teach shaking because they’re crying so much and just full of worry, fear, and sadness! And all I could do was hold strong and pretend like I wasn't sad for the sake of the 170 students. It was a messy day.

Two days have gone by and kids have started asking who's going to be the new teacher. And all the other 5th grade teachers have apparently been planning that the day after I'm done student teaching I will step in for the rest of the year and teach Writing. Oh great... writing. The one subject I really suck at. But at least I have the support of 4 other great teachers to help me get through this.

I thought student teaching was suppose to be easier than this. AND less emotional! My teacher I'm with tells me my first year is going to be a breeze because of everything I've had to deal with this semester. Jeez And here are some photos for your viewing pleasure.

Children in Trees.

At our most recent church picnic... which was yesterday, I had THE most relaxing yet most FUN day I've had in a while. It started off with a huge game of basketball! Mind you there we 4 adults playing and about 14 or 16 kids ranging from age 4 to 16 as well AND we were playing on a half court! It was the most chaotic game I've ever participated in and not to mention I lost my voice for a bit becuase of yelling like a little kid and laughing so hard! Next we move on to the tree. This tree is my new favorite tree. There was about 13 kids in it at once and then Hannah and I. So here are some incredible cute and silly pictures from that. Enjoy

The End.

This is a piece out of my student teaching journal.

I decided I’d write about this whole week because really it was a huge blur and my emotion about the whole week was about the same. I didn’t think it would be true for me what they say about your student teaching. They say that when you get about half way through the semester you hit a wall and it’s just very overwhelming. After I got a feel for what I’d be doing I thought I’d be okay since I could handle the work load and all but what I didn’t take into consideration was how I how feel about the kids.

At times it can be so frustrating with 175 kids! During one of my classes we were talking about stem and leaf plots and they were working on a book assignment that was a little confusing. I don’t know how many times I made it simpler for them and how many times I would tell different students. So I literally stopped everyone, made a big deal of them paying attention and re-told them what one of the question really meant and had them repeat it after me. And what does one student say 2 minutes later?? What does this question mean? When I had JUST told them! It’s frustrating not to show your frustration to the students because I want to make sure they know they can ask me questions, but on the flip side I also want them to pay attention when I ask!

Another issue I had to deal with was taking on the problems of the students. One of the students in my class came up to me after school and told me this was probably her last day and she started crying. And I know a little bit about her home life to get really sad with her. Then I heard about another student who was really upset with something that had happened that he started saying “I want to kill myself” over and over again! So in this aspect I am really just overwhelmed! I’m so attached to these kids and have grown to care about them so much that I hurt with them!

I also took time to talk to one of my students who is failing almost everything and is pretty popular. But this week she’s been coming in after school and getting all her missing work and is so motivated to get her grades up. So I asked her why she’s so motivated when it’s just her and I but as soon as her friends get around she gets this attitude that says I don’t have to do my work because I’m too good for it. She told me she’s distracted by some of the other girls in the class and that when they start talking to her she feels like if they know she wants to get good grades then they won’t be her friend. It was just this whole different side to her I hadn’t seen and I think it’ll be good for her to know that I do care about what she does and that she shouldn’t give in to peer pressure! So we’ll see if it lasts.

So lesson learned? I need to find a way to not take my student’s problems home with me. I think it’s just because I care about people so much, but if I make this a habit I think it’ll be too much for me along the way.

The Snow and the Stars

One weekend full of it all!

The stars were beautiful...

The snow was fun and amazing....

And being surrounded by people who I love and adore is always a major plus too!

I give everything I surrender...

There's so much on my mind that it just makes my head want to explode trying to get it out. But I guess I'll start here:

I didn't get the job in Casablanca. I didn't want to tell people because it felt like failure in my heart. It's been a while since I found out, maybe a month or so. But I've been realizing some different things from this experience about myself and God's plan. First of all I've realized that I can actually DO something with my life! It shocked me going through this whole process that I was on my way to doing something huge! So that's a good feeling knowing that I can actually go forward with a dream of mine. I've also figured out that even though I may think I know God's plan for me he can slap me in the face and bring it around to make me see him again. I was thinking that this experience would bring me out of myself, out of my comfort zone and I would come back a changed person because it would be just me and him while I was away. In reality... that's the stupidest thing in the world. Why can't I do that now!?!?! What am I waiting for???

Our last sermon was about Adam and Eve creating the fig leaves to cover up their transparent heart and their sins inside after the fall. Pastor Tim talked about how it was the first showing of self justification in our world. And they were thinking that if they could cover themselves then they were saving themselves. The fig leaves were just excuse makers. That's exactly what I've been doing. Hiding behind these fig leaves I've been creating because I think I don't need God to get through my problems.

I want to be able to love people. Truly love them, and to selflessly listen to what they have to say and be someone they can lean on. I think I’m this incredibly busy person when in reality I just get tired and think I need alone time… I forget how important fellowship is, but refuse to do things. Maybe because I don’t want to face things and don’t want to actually have close relationships with people because then they’d see my heart and I just don’t like talking about my pathetic problems. But I guess I kind of am here… but of course it’s always easier to when you think no one is actually reading.

I've been listening to Sanctus Real's new cd. It's so great. I love that I can listen to songs and they describe exactly how I'm feeling or bring up new feelings that I didn't know were there. Or in this case kinda slapped me in the face and it's like God is using it to make me see all of this (everything I've been talking about). So this is the song:

Whatever You're Doing

It's time for healing, time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Chorus: Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone, time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...

Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

I think that's it for now. There are so many battles going on inside my heart sometimes I wonder how I survive it all. But thank God I do get through it.

5th Grade

Three weeks into my student teaching and I was thinking about my kids today and how I'm starting to cherish them. I haven't talked about my students yet!! So if you haven't heard yet, I have 175 5th graders for my Student Teaching! I know right? I was a little freaked out at first but it's so much fun! And I'm on the path to learning ALL their names. I have 2 classes and about 10 kids from each of the other 3 classes memorized so that's about half!

But anyway, I've started bonding with them and showing my real self which is a little mean, but whatever... they need that in a teacher I've started to see. So even though I yell at them because they're lazy I really do it because I want them to succeed and see their real potential.

It breaks my heart to hear about the lives of some of these kids. I think that's going to be the worse part about this job is seeing the pain these kids have to go through and sometimes pain that they can't escape or had no choice in. Really, it's unbearable and I just want to change their lives for them!

The neat thing about having so many kidos is there are SO many different personalities and they're so amusing. My teacher and I were laughing at them because they were given an assignment (it's math and it was on polygons) and it was SO easy and we thought they'd finish it in like 15 minutes. But really... we were watching them get their paper out.... then find their pencil... then get their book out.... then bug everyone around them to see what page they were on. It takes them so long! And to see the kids who try so hard and come in to get help because they actually care is just amazing! They're such awesome younglings!

But I'm seeing how much they watch you and how much they actually take to heart. Since I haven't been in a classroom for more than 3 hours a day 4 days a week I haven't really seen that as much as I do now. So I can honestly say that I'm so excited for the next 2ish months I have with them!

Student Teaching... Welcome to Reality

Why do I want to be a teacher? That's a good question. It seems like everyone in my program has this idea of hopefully changing a child's life through teaching. Over the past year I have learned a lot about this thing we call teaching; and with that I have seen the reality of teaching.

One of the most annoying things that I have experienced during my observations and being around teachers is the question of "So... after being here do you still want to be a teacher?" or you get the comments such as "You should get out while you still can" or "teachers are so underpaid and there's to much paperwork...blah blah blah". And calling a student stupid as a stump is NOT okay. Giving up on a student becuase it's frustrating when they don't get it as fast as you want them is NOT okay.

So really... why do teachers have to be so discouraging to us younglings? Don't they know we know all this?? But we... I have so much passion for teaching, I still believe that I can make a difference in a child's life. I still believe that I can use my talents and knowledge to help students learn about things inside and outside of the classroom!

Now wait, not everyone I've been around is like this. The teacher who's class I'm in for student teaching is A-mazing! She taught in the most dangerous part of Chicago and her stories are crazy! She cares about her students SO much. She WANTS to see them succeed and she gives them so many opportunities to get help and she just genuinely loves her job even though there are some tedious tasks she has to do, or meetings she has to go through, or paperwork she has to fill out. I've been so blessed to be in her classroom.

Today my teacher and I went into the principle's office to talk to her about a student and the principle turns to me and asks me after seeing all these difficult situations with the students "Are you still motivated towards being a teachers after seeing what happens behind the scenes?" I said yes and she went on to say "Good! I think that if every teacher went into their classroom each day with the attitude that they could make a difference in a students life then our children would change tremendously. So even though there's drama and students getting in trouble, don't ever give up!" She's an amazing lady!

This is long so I'll talk about my students later. :)

Before I start Student Teaching

Life has been so busy. Working 3 jobs and trying to just relax and hang out with people. But I thought I'd update everyone on things going on in my life.

First things first. I got an interview with the school in Morocco!! That should happen next week sometime so that's so exciting! The lady who's been in contact with me from the agency I'd like to go through sounds excited and feels good about it all! They even sent me information on what to expect about being there and the things I would not be able to find or would be expensive. It was actually a funny list! The most depressing thing they wouldn't have is peanut butter. :-O Oh nos! haha So that's the update with that!

Next piece of news is Student Teaching! I finally found out my school, teacher, and grade! YAY! I'm at a school I've actually substitute taught at which is cool. I'm in the 5th grade which I'm TOTALLY excited about, and all of this starts Tuesday next week! And I'm basically having to start lesson plans right when I start!

So if you're thinking about me, say a little prayer for my decision making as well as my nerves!

I'll keep you updated on the rest! ^_^