Why am I a teacher?

Sometimes I wonder why I'm a teacher. It's so hard and stressful and at times I wonder if being in it for the kids is enough. Well... I have discovered that yes, it is worth it. Here are some certain insistence of when it hits me...

1. I gave one of my kids The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas to read because he's really in to the Holocaust and WWII. I told him the ending was sad and to be prepared and I kept asking where he was at. Today, everyone was doing their math classwork, and he was done so he read. Then, he dropped his book down, sighed, and looked at me with this look... I can't really describe it. He said "I'm done" and I gave him the same look he gave me. I knew that I was a teacher at that moment because he felt the impact of the story like I did. It was just a really cool moment.

2. One of my struggling students scored a 100% on his long division test when everyone else sucked. It was FANTASTIC!

3. I raced my students in 50 meters last week and beat them all. Now they all say "NO!!! Miss Thomas is the fastest in the class!!!"

4. One of my students used Darth Vader as a reference to a vocabulary word... it was prosthetic. :)

5. My Mexican girl who came straight from Mexico, beat 10 kids in around the world. Which is racing to get the multiplication fact fastest. It was awesome.

6. One of my girls who hates reading, started reading Twilight and now she doesn't want to stop reading! :)

That's all that comes to mind as of right now, but it's enough to keep me going. :)

Oh Hard Times, Come Again No More

Just got home from hanging out with... well, mostly boys. I was not going to go, but I ended up just doing it. Kyle cooked up some so called "Australian" food, I don't know what qualified it, but he based it all around his knowledge of The Outback. haha It was delicious nonetheless. We watched the movie Australia. It was not the type of movie I had imagined it to be, but it was great. The night was just happy, full of laughter, fellowship... and of course, Steven's comments ruining every intense moment of the movie.

I kind of just have a bunch of random thoughts floating through my head. What do I do about the kids who will NOT stop talking in class? Where will I be teaching next year? I'm so excited to play BINGO on Saturday with Stephanee! I haven't gotten to hang out with her for a pretty long time. I'm starting to realize that this recent break up was actually a pretty GREAT thing for me. I'm actually really happy it's over. I'm sorry the guy is kinda a lamewad who broke my heart, but happy nevertheless. I really want to get a tattoo and it's driving me crazy that I don't know exactly what I want.I wish I would be able to just STOP biting my stupid fingernails. I have to start teaching Sunday school again on Sunday and I really just want to be prepared this time around. I really need to write Sarah Bee back and send Pammy her letter in Mexico! I'm using this new "Genius" on my iTunes, I was listening to Eastmountainsouth, thus the title of my blog, and then the Genius found 25 songs like it. They're really helping my mood right now. It's very peaceful and I'm perfectly content right now. I'm really sad my Dobbers doesn't really cuddle with me at night anymore. :( Maybe he's in his kitty teenage years. I REALLY love LOST!


Other than all these crazy random happenstances. There are a few things that if you're reading this, I could use prayer for:

*Youth Group. It gets rough at times. Just pray that the kid's heart will be opened and the that us leaders can be motivated and used to the best of our abilities.

*The Future. I have absolutly NO idea where I will be teaching, or if I will for that matter, next year. Pray for peace and stillness in my heart and trust in God. Also that I will focus on things in the present instead of dwelling on the future.

*Work. Teaching is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I need strength to get through it gracefully. I also need to learn more patience.

*Forgiveness. It's a hard thing, but I need the grace and mercy from God so that I can show others as well.

I'm getting too sleepy.

Insert Title Here...

Dobby is getting so big!!!

New Discoveries

Brooke Fraser. She's from New Zealand and her music is just amazing. This is a video of her song Shadowfeet. Her melodies, lyrics, and singing just works together to make such a blissful song.



And these are lyrics to another song of hers called Hymn:

If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?

If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee

Timing is everything.

I began to re-read some of my past blogs, and I started reading the one I wrote about love is dying to yourself. I wrote it back in June last year. Weird... that seems so long ago, but it really isn't. I came across this comment on that blog written by a guy I have never even met. It took me this long to find it, but it's all in God's timing which is probably why it hit me so much when I read it.

John West said...

Well, Melissa, I only have a few things to say. I am A director of a 1/2 way house in Lubbock Texas called The Remnant. I was searching the internet for some good study ideas about dying to yourself and here I am. I am not a stranger to the feeling of confusion and unsurity in life. But, I am also not a stranger to the power of God to give me the understanding I need to be exactly where I need to be and do exactly what God has for me. I have a saying I tell people when they are struggling with their present, You can look at your past, just don't stare at it. I believe that God is telling me that you struggle with past mistakes, and that your problem isn't finding your place in the present, but removing yourself from your past. If we are truly pressing forward to the goal to win the prize through Christ Jesus, it assumes that we have made every effort to cut the chains that have held us in bondage to the very things that take from us the peace Jesus says we can have that we can't even understand, the joy of his salvation, and the unfathomable love that is given no matter your faults, mistakes, victories, triumphs, or failures. There are two things that hold back a human being more than anything else. Insecurity and fear. You must ask yourself today what you are afraid of. Why are you so insecure that faith seems always to be a belief but hardly ever an action.

WE ENSLAVE OURSELVES THROUGH FEAR, JESUS SAVES US FROM OURSELVES THROUGH LOVE.

I challenge you today to seek the depths of how your Lord loves you and how that love burns away all fear and all question, all confusion, and all doubt.

Quit swimming in the sea of forgetfullness and walk on water. Love you in Jesus.

It Just Takes Some Time

I was bored on Sunday afternoon, so I decided to rearrange my room. :) If you've never seen my room before this is pretty much useless to you, but could be somewhat fun all at once?

Sometimes, life just sucks

That was all I was going to say... but now I'm going to list 5 good things.

And these lyrics by good of OC Supertones:

I know I haven't had the best of days.
But I'm going to stop and thank you anyway.
I don't always thank you for the rough days
and hard times in my life. Even though I should.

1. My group in my master's class always makes me laugh and I can count on them to lift my spirits.

2. I rearranged my room and it was a great change. I love sitting in my room now.

3. More than 3/4 of my class passed a level on their Math Facts test after I taught them division!! (It's a 5 minute test with 60 problems)

4. There was a full moon above and a crisp clear night over the city the other night. It was beautiful.

5. Josh Ritter makes my heart melt. Not just the words but the music behind it all! It's just amazing!

Sweet Release

Currently I'm in a state of unrest, worry, and anxiety. It takes A LOT of strength to come out of it. Along with this, a new CD was found. "Anti-Meridian" by Brave Saint Saturn. On this album is a song entitled "Inviticus" which in turn, blew my mind, heart, and soul. Before I dive into it, here are the lyrics.

I've been breaking my back... yeah,
only to show You, how very lost one can be,
And bitterness fires through me.

The brilliance that was is flickering cold,
slowly burning to ash.
I'm choking on pride,
I'm closing my eyes,
'till one day I'm scared to go back.

You part the shadows,
Light of the World.
Destroy the blindness
Peace Eternal.

Take this broken heart,
if it brings You praise,
Take this beaten soul,
shivering hands I will raise.

Hope Unstoppable,
Sing the morning sun,
Wake up oh sleeper,
the Daylight has come.

You are, You are, Invincible.
You are You are, Unbreakable.

I've been breaking my back,
only to show you how very lost One can be.

What happened was this. A plan was created months ago, but not finalized. Now it is up in the air, and I feel lost in the dark about the whole situation at the moment. What was planned is a kind of a big deal. I started to feel really angry towards the people I'm assuming are responsible for all this, and now I'm just really nervous for what the outcome will be. In the midst of all this worry and assumptions beginning to form, this song started playing in the background. Suddenly I just had this revelation. This bitterness is building up inside me and if this plan doesn't work out, I thought I'd just be so pissed and raise an uproar.

Then the chorus started, take this broken heart, if it brings you praise, take this beating soul, shivering hands I will raise. Just stop reading for a second and re-read that part... how amazing is that? My heart is just so broken, and lately it has begun to get more broken each and every day. But, man! Those words just leave me speechless!

Hope unstoppable! Do you grasp that oh dear reader?!?!?! UNSTOPPABLE! No matter what problems we face, you face, I face; hope seems like an easy out, but why do we have to make life so hard on ourselves! God knows the desires of our hearts, and he knows what's best for us. Yes, the life we go through is rough and ridiculous at times, but hoping that God will bring the light out of the darkness is unstoppable! He is unbreakable! Think of how fragile and breakable our tiny hearts are! When people around us crush them, God is still there to put us back together because no one or nothing can EVER break him! And this God I speak of loves us more than any of us can even fathom!

So what does this have to do with my situation? I feel like the worry, anxiety and bitterness has all been sucked up by this hope I have rediscovered. I feel like even if this relationship doesn't work out or the plan falls through for whatever reasons, then I need to take a step back, trust the Lord, and know that he knows what's best for us. I don't know if I've ever felt that way in this relationship I speak of. Really it's not us to me to decided what happens. It's not up to you or anyone else to decide how the plan fans out. It's up to Him to bring glory to his name through us and bring us together for his will instead of our own.

Currently.... I am in a state of hope, love, and trust. It's all I can do.

It's About Time For Another

Earlier tonight I was asked three simple questions by a person who is dear to my heart.

1. How often do you pray?

2. How often do you spend time with a devotion or with reading the bible?

3. How many people have you show unconditional love to recently?

Simple? Yeah, not so much. Words like that can penetrate straight to the heart. They certainly made me think. How often do I pray? Well, the answer to that would be only when I feel like I need something from God. How often do I spend time with a devotion or with reading the bible? I would have to say, twice; once when I'm in Thursday night bible study, and once when I'm in church on Sunday. How many people have I showed unconditional love to recently..... This question blew me out of the water and made me see how far gone I have been for so long. How is it that I have been living everyday life failing to just love people?! The answer, I haven't been loving God. That's the root of all my problems. If I can't find the love to love the maker of all things, how on earth and I going to attempt to love people around me?

I think I’m beginning to understand what love actually is. I finally see what is means to say that love is patient, love is kind, love is not bitter, love hopes all things, love endures all things, love never fails. I get that when you love each other, God’s love and light shines through that, and without depending on Him there’s no way I would ever be able to show love.

So now that my eyes have been opened, what now? With lack of another way to put this I'll just steal Matt Theissen's amazing words:

"When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you"

The answer to all my problems? Run to God, fall into his loving arms, and embrace his grace and mercy. I have heard those words many times. It takes seeing what you've lost, to seeing where you're at... to get you where you need to go.

Too often do I go through my life of going through the motions and going full speed through each day. I remember the days where I really just stopped to take a look around me and take advantage of the small things in life that are amazing. These past 5 days where just that. Time to just relax, enjoy the people around me, be in a new place, and be thankful for the small things in life. It felt good to get excited over the little things in life again. And not only that, but to have someone there by your side to be excited with you and not think you’re a big fat dork because you’re excited about seeing the huge fields of corn for the first time.

Lincoln, Nebraska isn’t most people’s idea of fun apparently. They say to me “What’s in Nebraska that’s worth going for?” or “What a boring place to even think about going” I would have to disagree. I strongly believe that people make all the difference in this life. You could live in the coolest place in the world and it could not be worth it if you don’t have the community, fellowship, and love of the people around you. I was able to meet some really remarkable people in this misjudged area of the United States. Bryson introduced me to a BUNCH of new people. After the overwhelming feelings wore off I was able to have an excellent time. His family was... how do I explain them, they’re so fun to be around. Their conversations are so bizarre and off the wall and it made me so happy! I truly felt like I actually belonged there. Mostly because they reminded me of my very own family. It was comforting. Then on to his friends. They’re just phenomenal! Mostly two of his best friends Michael and Doug. They had no problem treating me like they’ve known me forever and they’re HIL-arious! By day 4, Bryson had started referring to his friends as “our friends”. Maybe because I fit in so well with them, or at least, that’s what I thought.

They all had big impacts on me even though I was only in town for 5 days. But even other random people had such an impact in some way. Michael’s mom was so great! (We hung out there a lot). She baby-sits during the day and once while we were there she had a little 4 year old boy there. I apparently sat in his spot on the couch while they were watching a movie, so he didn’t like me at first. But after about 10 minutes he decided I was okay and asked to sit with me. It was so sweet. :) Then there was Bryson’s theater director who he’s told everything about us to. She was so excited to finally meet me and was SO happy! When I hugged her good-bye she whispered something in my ear that was so encouraging and really just helped me realized that we could actually get through this. It was an incredible moment. It’s the little things that people say or do that just get you through the day. I don’t know if people step back to realize the small parts people might play in their lives but the big impact they make as well.

The people were great, but I must say that I had a lot of firsts on this trip that made me love that place. Corn.... I made him run through the corn fields outside his house with me. He lives in the country, and has TONS of land. He has a corn field that his neighbors actually farm. The running in the corn lasted only about 10 strides because I wasn’t a fan of being slapped in the face by the stocks. The sunsets were pink! Full of bright pink fading into oranges and reds, it was the most breathtaking sunsets I’ve seen. And then seeing the sun turn blood red as it falls beyond the horizon! One night we were playing frisbee in the backyard with his friends and all of the sudden... I saw flickers of lights in the distances, I FINALLY got to see fireflies!!!!! It was magical!! I basically bounced around with excitement like a little 5 year old, but who cares!!! Bryson’s family also has 2 horses, who was beautiful!! I’ve always been so scared of those animals, but I actually got up on one of them! Of course, his sister was leading me around on a horse leash, and I was only going in circles, but it was still a moment I don’t think I’ll forget. And don’t forget about this full moon, which was bright orange and lit up the land in all it’s darkness.

Then there’s Bryson himself. It really is just too overwhelming to talk about it all. He’s just a magnificent guy. Not many people have the ability to calm me down when I get crazy and not many people have this way to make me get out my feelings in a way that makes sense to them. And being able to share my spiritual life with him is so amazing to me. It really is just too much to talk about. And people might get made for keeping that part to myself, but it’s a part of my life that I’d like to keep for myself at times. Not because I’m ashamed or I’m trying to hide something, it’s just something I like to keep for myself. If that makes any sense.

Above all I’m beginning to see how much I need to trust God and lean on him through all of this. If it were up to me I would pick up and follow Bryson to the ends of the earth right now. But I see that it’s not that time right now, and timing is everything! And it sucks beyond all belief leaving Bryson, his home, his family, his friends and coming back home, but that’s life for you and I just have to take it one step at a time. But I HAVE to trust that God’s plans are so much better than anything I could ever come up with. One of my lady friends from church told me to take God with me on this trip and that He would be there to get me through meeting the family and friends and to take my nervousness away. It was a very impactful statement that I really took to heart.