Monster Ballads

These past couple months have been fun, exciting, boring, frustrating, amazing, and pretty much any adjective you can think of. Where to start? I suppose we'll go back to April 29. I have reached 23 years of age. I feel so old, yet so SO young, like I have so much I need to do and want to accomplish. This years birthday was 100 times better than last year. It was simple like I wanted it to be and fun.

Work wise, this year has been going by so fast. Sometimes I stand in front of the room wondering how it is that I am this 23 year old person standing in front of these 26 9-10 year olds, responsible for them. It can be scary at times! I'm finding that I am able to see the things that I am doing wrong in my class, and what I would like to change in the future with myself and teaching. I really am going to miss these kids.

We went on track break for pretty much the whole month of May. I feel like I actually did A LOT during this month! It's actually a little ridiculous now that I think of how much I did and all that happened. At the begining of my break I headed out to Tennessee to visit Hannah again. We traveled a lot more this time. We went to Elizabethtown, Kentucky because I really love the movie Elizabethtown the movie, it was quite exciting! Then we traveling to Knoxville, Tennessee where Hannah's family lives. It's so beautiful there. I loved it!

Tobi, Kyle and I also took a day road trip to California. We stopped by the best places ever which included: Ikea, Chic-Fil-A, and the beach of course. We then made our way over to the concert we went to see, The Decemberists were playing. After almost running out of gas, we made it. The concert was great and the trip home made the trip better than I would have ever expected.

Another special thing that happened in May was starting to date Jason. He moved here from Ohio in late January because he is in the Air Force. We started getting to know each other and at the beginning on May he asked me out. We hit it off real well and he's one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. We've been able to talk about real things and we even started praying together. It's been pretty great so far. The family likes him, people at church have said real good things about him. I'm excited to see what the future has to hold with this.

The last thing I have to say is well, the most important to me. I feel like I've gotten closer to God. Saying this kinda scares me, only because I know that I'm still this huge sinner who sucks at life. I guess the only difference is that I'm this huge sinner who sucks at life but I know that God has a hold on me. I know that he has a purpose for all the struggles I deal with and I feel like I'm more at peace with life in all it hecticness and frustrations. I prayed the other day that God would show me my sin, because I feel like I've been blind to them for a while. Sure enough, he did. Now, I know I'll never be perfect, but there's so much that I'd like to change about myself, and I just was reassured that it can only happen if GOD does the changing instead of me. I also was reading my bible and opened to 1 Corinthians where Paul writes about doing things out of love, and if you don't do them with love then basically... what's the point. I love feeling God's love and presence. I've been striving to hold onto this feeling, because I know how much it sucks when I'm in a rut.

Things I could use some prayer on:
1. A job. Job searching is a little stressful. Pray that I would be able to trust God, but also act instead of sit and wait till someone calls me.
2. Youth Group. I feel like we're planting seeds, pray that it would grow and that we could grow together as a group.
3. Self-Control. This includes time management and being productive. I've been having a hard time with this issue.

Work

God calls us to work. He calls us to work and to glorify him in doing it. Sometimes I hate when people make a big deal about me doing "all the things that real teachers have to do" and not getting paid the same amount they do. The fact is... it's my job and has been since the beginning of the year for these kids! God has put me there and who else is going to "do the real teacher things" if I'M not going to?!?! I do all this work because it's my JOB. I do the work because it's what I signed up to do!! Yeah... I don't get paid enough for all I do, but that's not the point! It's really starting to annoy me. Maybe I just don't see the big deal in my situation like other people seem to.

I'm happy where I am, I love my kids, I love my job and I would NEVER change it for the world. Tonight, I've realized how lucky I am to have gone my whole life being so sure of what I wanted to do when I grew up and I'm actually DOING it! I have realized that my job is hard, but if it isn't hard then I'm probably not doing it as well as I should be. I have realized that I see my job as more of a ministry then just a duty. I have a chance to show these children Christ's love, and grace. I have a chance to make a difference in their lives.

So yes... I may complain at times. I may get frustrated for more of those times. I may get way in over my head. But it's all for the glory of God, and if I'm not working for His glory then what am I even doing? For all of you who read this, maybe you're a believer, maybe not... but no matter what your job is, do it well. We were all given the ability to work and to do it well... so stop complaining and just be thankful for what God has given you. I have found that when I remember why we work in the first place, it makes me want to get up and go to my job in the morning. Life can suck... but it doesn't have to.

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven.

Lately, I haven't been able to sleep. It's bizarre for me, considering I usually like going to bed at like 10. For the past, I guess month, I haven't gone to bed before midnight. It's driving me crazy. Even right now, I am finally on spring break with nothing to think about and I still can't sleep. I've been thinking a lot about the things that happen to us in life. I thank God that nothing insanely traumatic has happened to me in my life, but I think about all the people I know who have recently been in the hospital. Mostly, these people are all in my family. I also think about the stories I hear from kids in my class, it sucks listening to what they go through.

The truth is, is I can't help but hold everyone else pain on my own shoulders. It makes me start to want to try and change the world! Then it makes me think of Ingrid's song which states: "I want to change the world... instead, I sleep" These past couple days I've started writing down all my frustrations of the day and the following them by the good and exciting things that happened that day. I thought it would help me sleep, which maybe it does help, but I like doing it because it makes me think of the good things. Even in the worst day, there's something good that happens.

So anyway, I was watching Grey's Anatomy the other day, and they do narrations at the end of the show. The following was from that show. I liked it because I feel like it's true, at least in my own life. I feel like the trauma that is mentioned doesn't have to be something drastic, I think it could be emotions, sorrow, spiritual weakness, sympathy, or just feeling lost. I feel like however I have gotten messed up so far in my life, it really is what keeps me going. The fact that God brought me out of that darkness and pushed me in life so that I see HIM in everything I do.

Doesn’t matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home. It changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But, maybe that’s the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going though that is what keeps us going forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up Before we can step up.

Then there's this passage out of Ecclesiastics 3 which has been a comfort to me for the past couple weeks.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

It makes me see that God lets us go through these emotions. He says it's ok to feel like crap, or be angry, or be sad. There's also a time to be happy, and a time to laugh and dance. And i like to believe that God laughs, cries, dances, and is sad with us when we are.

I guess this is all I have to say for now. :)

Why am I a teacher?

Sometimes I wonder why I'm a teacher. It's so hard and stressful and at times I wonder if being in it for the kids is enough. Well... I have discovered that yes, it is worth it. Here are some certain insistence of when it hits me...

1. I gave one of my kids The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas to read because he's really in to the Holocaust and WWII. I told him the ending was sad and to be prepared and I kept asking where he was at. Today, everyone was doing their math classwork, and he was done so he read. Then, he dropped his book down, sighed, and looked at me with this look... I can't really describe it. He said "I'm done" and I gave him the same look he gave me. I knew that I was a teacher at that moment because he felt the impact of the story like I did. It was just a really cool moment.

2. One of my struggling students scored a 100% on his long division test when everyone else sucked. It was FANTASTIC!

3. I raced my students in 50 meters last week and beat them all. Now they all say "NO!!! Miss Thomas is the fastest in the class!!!"

4. One of my students used Darth Vader as a reference to a vocabulary word... it was prosthetic. :)

5. My Mexican girl who came straight from Mexico, beat 10 kids in around the world. Which is racing to get the multiplication fact fastest. It was awesome.

6. One of my girls who hates reading, started reading Twilight and now she doesn't want to stop reading! :)

That's all that comes to mind as of right now, but it's enough to keep me going. :)

Oh Hard Times, Come Again No More

Just got home from hanging out with... well, mostly boys. I was not going to go, but I ended up just doing it. Kyle cooked up some so called "Australian" food, I don't know what qualified it, but he based it all around his knowledge of The Outback. haha It was delicious nonetheless. We watched the movie Australia. It was not the type of movie I had imagined it to be, but it was great. The night was just happy, full of laughter, fellowship... and of course, Steven's comments ruining every intense moment of the movie.

I kind of just have a bunch of random thoughts floating through my head. What do I do about the kids who will NOT stop talking in class? Where will I be teaching next year? I'm so excited to play BINGO on Saturday with Stephanee! I haven't gotten to hang out with her for a pretty long time. I'm starting to realize that this recent break up was actually a pretty GREAT thing for me. I'm actually really happy it's over. I'm sorry the guy is kinda a lamewad who broke my heart, but happy nevertheless. I really want to get a tattoo and it's driving me crazy that I don't know exactly what I want.I wish I would be able to just STOP biting my stupid fingernails. I have to start teaching Sunday school again on Sunday and I really just want to be prepared this time around. I really need to write Sarah Bee back and send Pammy her letter in Mexico! I'm using this new "Genius" on my iTunes, I was listening to Eastmountainsouth, thus the title of my blog, and then the Genius found 25 songs like it. They're really helping my mood right now. It's very peaceful and I'm perfectly content right now. I'm really sad my Dobbers doesn't really cuddle with me at night anymore. :( Maybe he's in his kitty teenage years. I REALLY love LOST!


Other than all these crazy random happenstances. There are a few things that if you're reading this, I could use prayer for:

*Youth Group. It gets rough at times. Just pray that the kid's heart will be opened and the that us leaders can be motivated and used to the best of our abilities.

*The Future. I have absolutly NO idea where I will be teaching, or if I will for that matter, next year. Pray for peace and stillness in my heart and trust in God. Also that I will focus on things in the present instead of dwelling on the future.

*Work. Teaching is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I need strength to get through it gracefully. I also need to learn more patience.

*Forgiveness. It's a hard thing, but I need the grace and mercy from God so that I can show others as well.

I'm getting too sleepy.

Insert Title Here...

Dobby is getting so big!!!

New Discoveries

Brooke Fraser. She's from New Zealand and her music is just amazing. This is a video of her song Shadowfeet. Her melodies, lyrics, and singing just works together to make such a blissful song.



And these are lyrics to another song of hers called Hymn:

If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?

If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee

Timing is everything.

I began to re-read some of my past blogs, and I started reading the one I wrote about love is dying to yourself. I wrote it back in June last year. Weird... that seems so long ago, but it really isn't. I came across this comment on that blog written by a guy I have never even met. It took me this long to find it, but it's all in God's timing which is probably why it hit me so much when I read it.

John West said...

Well, Melissa, I only have a few things to say. I am A director of a 1/2 way house in Lubbock Texas called The Remnant. I was searching the internet for some good study ideas about dying to yourself and here I am. I am not a stranger to the feeling of confusion and unsurity in life. But, I am also not a stranger to the power of God to give me the understanding I need to be exactly where I need to be and do exactly what God has for me. I have a saying I tell people when they are struggling with their present, You can look at your past, just don't stare at it. I believe that God is telling me that you struggle with past mistakes, and that your problem isn't finding your place in the present, but removing yourself from your past. If we are truly pressing forward to the goal to win the prize through Christ Jesus, it assumes that we have made every effort to cut the chains that have held us in bondage to the very things that take from us the peace Jesus says we can have that we can't even understand, the joy of his salvation, and the unfathomable love that is given no matter your faults, mistakes, victories, triumphs, or failures. There are two things that hold back a human being more than anything else. Insecurity and fear. You must ask yourself today what you are afraid of. Why are you so insecure that faith seems always to be a belief but hardly ever an action.

WE ENSLAVE OURSELVES THROUGH FEAR, JESUS SAVES US FROM OURSELVES THROUGH LOVE.

I challenge you today to seek the depths of how your Lord loves you and how that love burns away all fear and all question, all confusion, and all doubt.

Quit swimming in the sea of forgetfullness and walk on water. Love you in Jesus.

It Just Takes Some Time

I was bored on Sunday afternoon, so I decided to rearrange my room. :) If you've never seen my room before this is pretty much useless to you, but could be somewhat fun all at once?

Sometimes, life just sucks

That was all I was going to say... but now I'm going to list 5 good things.

And these lyrics by good of OC Supertones:

I know I haven't had the best of days.
But I'm going to stop and thank you anyway.
I don't always thank you for the rough days
and hard times in my life. Even though I should.

1. My group in my master's class always makes me laugh and I can count on them to lift my spirits.

2. I rearranged my room and it was a great change. I love sitting in my room now.

3. More than 3/4 of my class passed a level on their Math Facts test after I taught them division!! (It's a 5 minute test with 60 problems)

4. There was a full moon above and a crisp clear night over the city the other night. It was beautiful.

5. Josh Ritter makes my heart melt. Not just the words but the music behind it all! It's just amazing!