A Pile of Dirty Cloths

Lately I feel like my life is like the pile of cloths in my room... yes I'm going there, deal with it. So usually when my room is just insanely messy I get to this point where I can't deal with it anymore, I have no clean underoos, and something needs to change. I'm trying to think of the last time my room and cloths were all clean. I think it was about 2 or 3 weeks ago, possibly even longer. So as most of you have experienced yourselves, it just starts off with a few shirts and flip flops laying around because you just got home from a long day and just didn't want to put it away. Slowly and surly the pile starts to grow. At some points within the last weeks I had attempted to clean it by throwing all the cloths on the bed, the shoes in a pile, and the trash somewhere in a foot radius of the trash can. I put my cloths on my bed to force me to do something with them before I go to bed. This method has not been working because I just end up sleeping on one of the other beds in my house. So as of right now.... cloths are EVERYWHERE and everything else I own is just sitting on my floor in this huge mess.

So how you may ask does this relate to my life? I feel like all of my sins have been slowly piling up and I'm just too lazy to do anything about it. And it's not the matter of me trying to clean it all up so I can just live, it's the fact that I'm too lazy to repent, not willing to change, not ready to look at the pile of crap that I have been living with for a while now. And I've had attempts at "cleaning" my heart I guess you could say, I've heard awesome sermons that give great advice and hit me with the truth and word of God, and I've started a mini-bible study with Tobi and Hannah, I've done all these little things that have only just sorted out the sinful things away in my heart, but I still just haven't faced the fact that things are so outta wack ad that I'm sick of living with this pile of mess!

I just got home from our Sunday night college group with our church. I was so great because I was able to be honest with them and tell them exactly how I feel. It was blunt... I defiantly spouted some tears, but it was also great to hear what everyone else had to say. I think it was such a great step that we took today! And it's definitely an answer to prayer and I'm so excited to see what's in store for our group next.

I think that's it for now. Jeez... so many blogs in such a short amount of time!

Futbol!

What a nice day for a little futbol in the park! I wish the weather was like this every day!

And, since I'm an awesome photographer... here's some really cool pictures!

Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica

First off! One of my best friends Whitnie, from High School, called this fine afternoon and for some reason I knew exactly what she was going to tell me! She's pregnant! YAY!!! This news pretty much made my day! We didn't think she'd be the first to have a baby, we thought it would be Bonny! But I'm sure she's not too far away. hehe I suppose you'd only understand that if you knew my little circle of friends. YAY! So I'm just so happy for her and it's going to be the cutest little thing ever! I can't believe one of us is going to have a little one! eeee!

Today I finished up my substitute teaching paperwork and whatnot, now I just have to get through Orientation Monday and I'll be set for working! It's about time because I'm in need of the mula.

From there I went to complete my graduation packet and applied for Student Teaching! I got to put my first 3 choices, so I put 4th, 5th then 3rd. I've come to realize that I think I like those grades better because I have the personality for it.

Not too much else happening. I've been sick... getting over that, and busy busy busy with school. Speaking of I totally forgot that I'm a lazy partner and I have to put in my 2 cents for this lesson plan! poop

Under the Blacklight

It's September. Wow. I was just thinking today that I remember way back in January thinking this was going to be a good year! And now I'm already planning for things in December.

So another sleepless night... seems like there's been a lot of those these days. And I always seem to end up on my hammock outside at midnight just thinking about anything and everything. And why is it that every time I start freaking out I seem to want to write a blog? weird...

August was pretty great. I got to see a bunch of family and take a road trip with Tobi in California. It was pretty great! Then school started last week. All in all I guess I'm loving it, but in reality it's mostly why I'm so emotional and moody these days.

Senior year... wow. Almost done with college! Only 8 months till graduation. I should be excited and happy... right?! I feel like I'm on this emotional roller coaster. Everything I do, I go from being happy to getting really sad because it'll be over soon. The smallest things make me want to cry, when I'm just overwhelmingly happy I want to cry, and of course when I think about where I'll be in a year.... I want to cry. It's ridiculous really because even though I want to nothing actually comes out.

I decided to start substitute teaching. I'm just waiting.... and waiting for the paperwork to finish up. And I was recommended to check out this private Christian school up by my house to be a substitute for them which would be very awesome. So I'm applying for that. And I just got an application for this other thing, but am not quite ready to talk about it yet. All these applications man! Applications, resumes, graduation applications, student teaching applications, final tests I have to pay for in order to get my teaching license, bah!!! Too much at once.

I think I'm done. I guess I feel a little load off my shoulders. But in all honest I've been running to look for comfort in all the wrong places. I don't know why I feel like writing a blog is going to solve all my problems.... maybe it just helps with sorting things out? Or seeing my thoughts in words? Why is it so hard to take it to God? He's the only one who won't let me down, he's the only one who I know will always love me and never leave me, and I know he understands what I'm feeling here and why but I can't seem to take it to him. Or maybe that's what I'm doing now... enough with the pity party right?