Under the Blacklight

It's September. Wow. I was just thinking today that I remember way back in January thinking this was going to be a good year! And now I'm already planning for things in December.

So another sleepless night... seems like there's been a lot of those these days. And I always seem to end up on my hammock outside at midnight just thinking about anything and everything. And why is it that every time I start freaking out I seem to want to write a blog? weird...

August was pretty great. I got to see a bunch of family and take a road trip with Tobi in California. It was pretty great! Then school started last week. All in all I guess I'm loving it, but in reality it's mostly why I'm so emotional and moody these days.

Senior year... wow. Almost done with college! Only 8 months till graduation. I should be excited and happy... right?! I feel like I'm on this emotional roller coaster. Everything I do, I go from being happy to getting really sad because it'll be over soon. The smallest things make me want to cry, when I'm just overwhelmingly happy I want to cry, and of course when I think about where I'll be in a year.... I want to cry. It's ridiculous really because even though I want to nothing actually comes out.

I decided to start substitute teaching. I'm just waiting.... and waiting for the paperwork to finish up. And I was recommended to check out this private Christian school up by my house to be a substitute for them which would be very awesome. So I'm applying for that. And I just got an application for this other thing, but am not quite ready to talk about it yet. All these applications man! Applications, resumes, graduation applications, student teaching applications, final tests I have to pay for in order to get my teaching license, bah!!! Too much at once.

I think I'm done. I guess I feel a little load off my shoulders. But in all honest I've been running to look for comfort in all the wrong places. I don't know why I feel like writing a blog is going to solve all my problems.... maybe it just helps with sorting things out? Or seeing my thoughts in words? Why is it so hard to take it to God? He's the only one who won't let me down, he's the only one who I know will always love me and never leave me, and I know he understands what I'm feeling here and why but I can't seem to take it to him. Or maybe that's what I'm doing now... enough with the pity party right?