To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven.

Lately, I haven't been able to sleep. It's bizarre for me, considering I usually like going to bed at like 10. For the past, I guess month, I haven't gone to bed before midnight. It's driving me crazy. Even right now, I am finally on spring break with nothing to think about and I still can't sleep. I've been thinking a lot about the things that happen to us in life. I thank God that nothing insanely traumatic has happened to me in my life, but I think about all the people I know who have recently been in the hospital. Mostly, these people are all in my family. I also think about the stories I hear from kids in my class, it sucks listening to what they go through.

The truth is, is I can't help but hold everyone else pain on my own shoulders. It makes me start to want to try and change the world! Then it makes me think of Ingrid's song which states: "I want to change the world... instead, I sleep" These past couple days I've started writing down all my frustrations of the day and the following them by the good and exciting things that happened that day. I thought it would help me sleep, which maybe it does help, but I like doing it because it makes me think of the good things. Even in the worst day, there's something good that happens.

So anyway, I was watching Grey's Anatomy the other day, and they do narrations at the end of the show. The following was from that show. I liked it because I feel like it's true, at least in my own life. I feel like the trauma that is mentioned doesn't have to be something drastic, I think it could be emotions, sorrow, spiritual weakness, sympathy, or just feeling lost. I feel like however I have gotten messed up so far in my life, it really is what keeps me going. The fact that God brought me out of that darkness and pushed me in life so that I see HIM in everything I do.

Doesn’t matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home. It changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But, maybe that’s the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going though that is what keeps us going forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up Before we can step up.

Then there's this passage out of Ecclesiastics 3 which has been a comfort to me for the past couple weeks.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

It makes me see that God lets us go through these emotions. He says it's ok to feel like crap, or be angry, or be sad. There's also a time to be happy, and a time to laugh and dance. And i like to believe that God laughs, cries, dances, and is sad with us when we are.

I guess this is all I have to say for now. :)